Short FF: Where's My Best Friend?

"Reasonable? Reasonable?!" Lily cried indignantly, her green eyes flashing dangerously. "So I'm the unreasonable one?"

"You know I didn't mean to call you—" Snape couldn't finish, his voice tightening.

"Mudblood? But you've been calling Mary MacDonald that for ages, Snape; why should I get special treatment?" Lily asked, folding her arms and glaring at Snape, "and we've been through this before. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, as long as you continue to hang out with your so called 'friends'!"

"So this is what it's about? Mulciber, Avery, and Malfoy?" Severus asked, his voice tightening painfully, "They're my only friends! How can you expect me to abandon them to join…join that mudbl…I mean, muggle-born loving fool?"

"There you go again! You just can't stop from saying that vile word, can you Snape?" Lily asked, her voice dripping with extreme hurt and anger. "No one ever told you to follow Professor Dumbledore. I just don't want my best friend joining Voldemort. He…he killed my grandmother and parents Snape," she whispered, tears forming in her beautiful emerald eyes. Snape looked at her intensely, and turned his back to her.

"I'm sorry for your loss, I really am, but--"

"No you're not!" Lily snapped. " You weren't sorry when Molly's parents were killed! You weren't sorry when Fabien and Gidgeon Prewett's family was tortured! I heard you Sev! I heard you lauging with Mulciber when news came in the Daily Prophet that it happened!"

"No—I didn't mean," Snape began.

"You think people like me should be tortured, even killed, don't you? You weren't like this before. What happened to you?" Lily whispered in a quiet voice again, too shaken up with emotion.

"I…I'm sorry," Snape whispered, "Lily…I…I love you."

Lily stood still with shock. Looking up into Snape's eyes, which were pleading and sorrowful, she said, "Wh…what?"

"I love you, loved you actually, ever since I met you that day in the park, seven years ago," replied Snape, looking hopeful and pleading.

"No," Lily started muttering, shaking her head in shock and denial, "Snape-Sev-how...why," she couldn't go on.

"You're perfect Lily," Snape said, gazing at her, "I was enchanted with you since the day I saw you swinging with your sister in the park by Spinner's End. Your personality is flawless, and…" but Lily interrupted him.

"Stop! Oh Sev, I never knew, never encouraged these feelings, I…" Lily stared at Snape with pity, "I…always looked up to you like…a brother, a brother I never had."

Snape looked as if a large boulder hit him. For a minute, he didn't talk. Finally, he whispered, "What? I…I thought you loved me too."

"I do," said Lily frantically, "Just…just not that way. I do love you Sev, as my most dearest friend. I love you dearly out of all my friends, just not…that way. I…I'm sorry."

"I…I can't believe this," muttered Snape, in denial, "I always thought…no…is there, is there anyone else?" He looked at Lily with pleading eyes, begging for her to answer negative, but Lily blushed, and stammered, "Yes, but…that's not the reason for not returning your feelings, Sev, I…I always loved you only…only as a friend, my closest friend."

"Who?" asked Snape, his eyes darkening; he already hated this person, who had stolen Lily's heart. "Who is it?"

Lily blushed again. She knew Snape would not like her answer, at all. "James Potter," she whispered.

Snape reeled back in shock. It was a full two minutes before he spoke again. "Are you…are you out of your mind?" he finally asked, his voice rising. It was Lily this time who looked surprised.

"Excuse me?" she asked, her eyes flashing.

"You're out of your mind to be falling for James bloody Potter! Haven't you always despised him? Hated him? How about all those times you called him an arrogant bullying toe rag?" Snape looked at her in anger and hurt. How could his Lily do this to him? How could she like, no love, his worst enemy?

"He's changed, Sev," Lily said, "and I never hated him, despised him yes, but never hate. This year, I actually got to know him, the true him, while working with him as Head Boy and all. He's matured. I know you'll never be able to forgive him for what he did to you before, but he was immature back then, like most boys at that age."

"You're falling into his trap," Snape said, his eyes flashing, "You're falling into his trap just like he's always wanted! He doesn't really love you Lily, can't you see it? He'll dump you in no time, just like he dumps all the other girls he went out with! Can't you see it? Oh Lily, how can you be so foolish, so stupid? Can't you see that—"

"That's enough!" Lily whispered furiously, "You've insulted me enough, Sev—Snape. I'm sorry, truly I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but how dare you think I can't make my own decisions? How dare you think I'm stupid and foolish to be accepting James? You don't even know him!"

"I won't let you—" began Snape.

"Let me? Let me! You don't own me!" Lily snapped.

"You're my best friend," Snape said, trying to make Lily see reason, "I know what's good for you, Lily."

"And I know what's good for you, Sev," Lily said with emotionless eyes. "Yet, you won't cut off your friendship with those 'death eaters in training'. They're horrible! Can't you see that?"

"They understand me," replied Snape, "They understand what I go through, how I'm antagonized at home every summer! I can't abandon them Lily, and nor do I want to. They're the ones who made me understand that there is no good or evil, only power, and those too foolish to seek it."

Lily looked at Severus with sad eyes, searching for her best friend in the depths of this new Sev. Where was that sweet boy who had been the first to introduce her to Hogwarts, the magical world? Where was the boy who had defended her when other Slytherins made fun of her? Where was the friend who had comforted her whenever Petunia had been particularly nasty? Where was her best friend, her first truly closest friend?

Snape too looked at Lily with pity. Where was the girl who had been his first friend, the only one close to his heart? Where was the girl who had defended him against Potter numerous times, and told him that she would never forgive Potter as long as she lived? Where was the girl who had told Potter that she would rather go out with the giant squid than him? Where was the girl who had supported him no matter what? Where was the friend who had defied all her friends and sat with him at the Slytherin table three days a week?

Both Snape and Lily knew that things would never be the same. Both had chosen their own paths, and they were not the same.

"This is goodbye then, Sev," Lily said tonelessly, "I can't be your friend any longer if you're going to support the Dark Arts."

"Fine then," said Snape, "I offered to protect you Lily, so don't blame me if something happens to—"

But Lily had already gone, slamming the door shut. Snape sighed, staring at the door. Lily had changed too much; she had made her choice, and it had no place for her best friend in it. "Oh Lily, can't you see that I love you like no one else can?" Snape murmured sadly. "Why can't you see that I can protect you from the Dark Lord's path? Shield you from the horrors of what is to come?"

Severus took out a photograph from his pocket, his most prized possession. It was of Lily, beautiful Lily, in their fifth year. She had been laughing at a joke he had told her, and as her smile filled her face, cute little dimples formed on her cheeks, and she just seemed to glow with happiness and serenity. Oh, how different their lives had been back then? How he loved her!

Snape didn't know how long he sat on the floor in the classroom, and he didn't realize that the photograph was now wet, wet with his tears.