terrace memories
back in my times of shorts and shirts from my older cousins
back in the times when television meant black and white,
wonder balloon and kanmani poonga
back in times when bus ticket costed 10 paisa
back one night when the power failed during exams
all of us huddled upto the terrace for it was hot inside the house
lying in our bedsheets we tried counting stars not knowing who or what had made them
but only knew that stars twinkle from the nursery rhyme we were taught
my eldest cousin sister announced that we should all go to the himalayas
i gasped and squeaked the himalayas but that is so far away
she said there is lot of buried gold there and we should go search for it
we all became quiet in anticipation and dreams of gold and our future
early next morning when our elders put us back to bed since the power had come back
i kept imagining about the himalayas.what a story.
years later i stood outside isabella hospital
for my cousin was about to deliver and when everything was done
she had delivered a bonny baby called prathik
i gently reminded her that if she didnt have money to pay the hospital bills
i would go to the himalayas in search of gold.
hearing this she broke and howled in laughter.
now so many years later when prathik brought his girl friend
to my place i told him the same story and he laughed and wondered how stupid
we were when we all were young.
times have changed years have flown
but still when i go the terrace and look up at the night sky i
recollect this story and smile to myself
the goodbye
she remembered when she knew she first knew that he was in her
she thought about the days when in solitude she spent talking to him
she recollected the days when she felt his feet kicking inside her
smiling she had told everybody that it was her son not her daughter
the day when she first glimpsed his tiny form brought tears to her eyes
his first squeal,his first walk and his first word or more like an yelp
all those thoughts so fresh in her memory
but now seeing him wasting away day by day was more than she could bear
a life she had borne,carried and deliverd to this world
was now lying,suffering and she couldnt do anything to help him
very few moments was he awake and all he could muster was whimpers of pain
not three yet and few weeks to his birthday
it was a race which he would lose for death came knocking at the doors of his life
what could she do or what can anyone do
tears,fears and howls filled their room everyday
relations,friends came calling,wishing well and asking her to be brave
early morning she was alone in the bed next to him
when she heard him call mummy and rushed to his side
wiping his forehead she kissed him tenderly
and looking deep into his eyes she closed her eyes
and prayed my life for his but as usual
her prayers fell on deaf ears
wiping her tears she slowly looked up
and realised her son had gone forever
sobs turned to screams for the pain was unbearable
how does one measure or even attempt to
know the pain of a mother who has lost her son