The Quest | Final post - pg4 - Page 2

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koolkat97 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
dat was really nice do continue soon! :)
whimsical thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Thanks Neha! It's Friday ie update day :)
whimsical thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
 
Part III
 
They were at a crowded dhaaba, where people were too busy eating to pry. Vicky surreptitiously scrutinized her features to ascertain what it was that made her so beautiful. He could not stare, seeing that he had to be chilled out and slightly aloof in order to earn her affections. Yes, it was her eyes. They had an undeniable classic Indian-ness about them. They were large and round, heavily lidded, charcoal black and framed by perfect eyebrows that were neither too thin nor too thick.

 

"Please, Ms Sahai," Gaurang said, breaking the silence, "this is important."

 

Vicky glided out of his reflections lazily, and tried to remember what Gaurang was on about.

 

Juhi Sahai shook her head. Vicky, alarmed by the thought that tears could begin to glisten in her eyes at any time, reached for her hand.

 

"Look, Juhi'" he began softly, but she pulled her hand back and looked at him angrily.

 

"You cannot force me," she said, her voice strong and obstinate, "I really don't see why I should help you."

 

"Vicky," Gaurang said quietly, "we're leaving."

 

Vicky stared at Gaurang incredulously. But Gaurang had already risen from his chair and was reaching for his wallet. Juhi looked away, her eyes laced with triumph but also sadness. Vicky looked at his unfinished butter chicken, at the dhaabewaala from whom he had wanted to order more lassi, and at the beautiful girl in front of him. This was so unfair.

 

Vicky jogged to keep up with Gaurang who was striding towards the car.

 

"Gauri," he panted, "Gaurang! Dude, stop. What are you doing? We can't just leave."

 

Gaurang stopped and looked at Vicky sharply, his eyes resolute and unwavering,

"Vicky, we will not beg. She will never understand why it's important for us to put an end to this nonsense. All she cares about is money. We don't need her."

 

"But she's right," Vicky said, rushing to the defence of his damsel in distress, "why are we doing this? We are always providing leads to the police and we are not paid enough. And they take all the glory, those lazy bums."

 

Gaurang grabbed Vicky's collar angrily, and then let go, disgusted,

"Money, glory?" he spat, "It doesn't mean anything to you that our efforts may help get that ... that dog arrested? All those young girls, you don't think they deserve a different life?"

 

"I'm sorry," Juhi said, tearful. She had been standing there, unseen, listening.

 

Gaurang turned away angrily and continued to walk towards the car.

 

"I'm sorry," she implored, "I - I - I didn't want to get into any mess. But now I -"

 

Gaurang looked at her dispassionately, "He wouldn't have known. All we wanted was for you to call him to the office with some business deal story so that we can break into the flat. He trusts you. He will never suspect that you are involved in all this. But we don't have fifty thousand rupees to pay you for making a call. So it's fine, we will manage without your help. And if you want to tell your boss about us, feel free. But then also inform him that he will be caught, no matter what, and I will make sure of that."

 

"But I want to help. I trust you, Gaurang, and I know you won't let anything happen to me. I am on your side, Gaurang. Please, please forgive me. I will do anything to help you."

 

Vicky looked away from the fondness in Juhi's eyes. He was the invisible sidekick. Nobody saw him. It was always Gaurang that they all had eyes for. All the girls fell for the angry young man. He was just the invisible sidekick.

 

Gaurang nodded curtly and made for the car.

Edited by nisha.munim - 13 years ago
koolkat97 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
i really luved it do continue soon! and i luv the way u describe everything so perfectly! :)
whimsical thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Thanks Neha, that's very sweet of you! :)
Sharky8 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
nice. really gud way of describing characters. i luved your story. and seriously vicky does seem like a sidekick. so you have written only 3 parts till now?Edited by Sharky8 - 13 years ago
whimsical thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by: Sharky8

nice. really gud way of describing characters. i luved your story. and seriously vicky does seem like a sidekick. so you have written only 3 parts till now?

 
Omg, omg I have another reader!! 😃 This is so exciting!
Thank you! (sorry, I don't know your name?)
Yep a sidekick he is... but then even sidekicks have facets to them. More on him in the next part.
I have written more than 20 parts already actually. Just some polishing needed, and the third section 'Re-membering' needs a lot of work.
Friday is now officially update day, so every Friday, I will post a new part.
Stay tuned 😊
Pooj@ thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Hey there. I am here, so it means my professor had pity on me and let me go! :D

Okay first up: The prologue:

Interesting prologue. It makes you wonder and ponder, fulfilling its purpose. I cannot say much on it, so I will move on.
Just a suggestion, italicize the vernacular words you use. Even if most people on India-forums know Hindi, it is better to italicize them. :)

First Chapter:
I am rubbing my hands in anticipation. You seem to have a nice set of characters here. First was Mysterious Meena who has left her house and now two detectives who are currently prying into an ostentatious house that belongs to some kind of smuggler.  Just stick to one tense and you will be fine! :)

(Will edit to write about second and third chapter. Gotta run right now!)

whimsical thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Yayy for the physics getaway! 😃 You must have been brilliant, that's what 😉
 
I love, love, love your comment! Thanks Pooja, for taking the time to read through my work so meticulously and providing such a detailed comment. I really appreciate it!
 
Thanks for the suggestion on the prolgue. I just italicised the Chachu. Will remember to italicise such words in forthcoming parts as well.
 
Um, I wasn't sure what you meant about the tenses in Part 1 though. I read through it again and as far as I could tell, I only used past tense for things that happened then, past continuous for things that were happening, and past perfect for things that had happened previously. Maybe you could point out the point where I muddled up? That would be very helpful.
 
Once again, thank you so much for being such a wonderful reviewer! ⭐️
 
 
Edited by nisha.munim - 13 years ago
whimsical thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
Sorry, can't update today. Monday for sure. Sorry about this. Unforseen circumstances :S
<3 Nisha