polygamy and Purdah - Woman's view?

Hi friends ,as some of you know i am not a Muslim .But in the Islamic religon, Polygamy - marrying 4 wives at a time . And Purda are an important part of the culture .

 

My question to women and men too are ,how are things in this modern age with regards to polygamy . Is it still happening a lot ? What does a woman feel about it ? Before her marriage does a young girl be ready to accept sharing her husband with another man ?I Have read that Allah permits a man to take on more thyan one wife ONLY if he can treat they equally . Now is that humanly possible for a man to do so ???Have you seen it done ? Is anybody in such an relationship ?

 

Purdah - Islam wants the women to be covered .Are there women who cover themselves and feel covering themselves curbs their rights . Or do you feel its a good way to feel secure against one wanted stares etc . From a woman's point of view would like to hear an Islamic woman's point of view ,

P.S - My post is not meant to hurt any one or put any religon down . Its a way to understand our neighbours culture . If i said any thing offensive , please forgive me , as i may have said it without even knowing it coulod be hurtfull.

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

Hi friends ,as some of you know i am not a Muslim .But in the Islamic religon, Polygamy - marrying 4 wives at a time . And Purda are an important part of the culture .

My question to women and men too are ,how are things in this modern age with regards to polygamy . Is it still happening a lot ? What does a woman feel about it ? Before her marriage does a young girl be ready to accept sharing her husband with another man ?I Have read that Allah permits a man to take on more thyan one wife ONLY if he can treat they equally . Now is that humanly possible for a man to do so ???Have you seen it done ? Is anybody in such an relationship ?

Purdah - Islam wants the women to be covered .Are there women who cover themselves and feel covering themselves curbs their rights . Or do you feel its a good way to feel secure against one wanted stares etc . From a woman's point of view would like to hear an Islamic woman's point of view ,

P.S - My post is not meant to hurt any one or put any religon down . Its a way to understand our neighbours culture . If i said any thing offensive , please forgive me , as i may have said it without even knowing it coulod be hurtfull.

Hey Aparna great topic and i am not offended because its good that u want to know about other cultures and find out for urself by maybe getting rid of some biases.😊
Well what you heard about polygamy is true taht u can only have more than one wife if you can support them all equally financially because the matters of teh heart r never equal. i dont know about other countries but in pakistan it is considered wrong nowadays(special cases still do it) but the educated classes middle and upper believe its wrong. Over there women dont have to be prepared for this and usually people divorce if something like this is happening but there are some jackasses so yeah it does happen. i have seen a relative of my dad's do it when he had a grown son and he married a woman his son's age. his wife didn't divorce him but she did separate so now he lives in a different house and he can't come to the house as long as his first wife is there. She stayed because divorce might have made it that she wud leave and her son wud leave w/ her and the man might have children with his new wife but this way all the money goes to her son.

I am going to talk about this from what i have heard all my life and if anyone feels my facts r wrong plz inform me 😳.About purdah well there is the veil and the head scarf. the veil is not a part of our religion while the head scarf is. the veil was just instituted by some extremely conservative people. the thing about the headscarf is taht i dont wear it but i do respect women who do out of choice. i feel we should all learn about this when we feel we r ready and tehn find out if we can actually do this but like there are some people who don't have a choice. like i had this friend in middle school whose father wouldn't let her leave the house w/o a scarf so that i think is crazy. my parents have left it to me to see if i want to do it because they also believe that there is no point to forcing religion. About it being a good thing i am not sure because i have seen forced cases of it and choice cases because a friend of mine now has the headscarf her mother doesn't but she does because she wants to follow what God said so nobody is undermining her rights but she is choosing to listen to God. I feel that(this is gonna sound so weird) if you r wearing a headscarf people assume you're religious and usually leave u alone which is good cause in this day and age some guys are overtly friendly and the head scart does provide a buffer, but still it should be by choie and not forced.

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

 Before her marriage does a young girl be ready to accept sharing her husband with another man ?I Have read that Allah permits a man to take on more thyan one wife ONLY if he can treat they equally . Now is that humanly possible for a man to do so ???Have you seen it done ? Is anybody in such an relationship ?

i dont mind u asking at all, but im a bit confused...r u saying that a man is alowed to have more than one wife at a time, cos if u are that is totally wrong, ive never heard of that before...maybe u meant that they can get married again, after his wife dies or something...and he can get married again like that upto five(i think) times as long as he gives them all he can and treats them well...cos, yea...thats allowed, but he cant have more than one wife at one time.

i dont know if thats wot u meant, or not...anyways, im not offended at all, so dont worry😃

Originally posted by: mkzara

I am going to talk about this from what i have heard all my life and if anyone feels my facts r wrong plz inform me 😳.About purdah well there is the veil and the head scarf. the veil is not a part of our religion while the head scarf is. the veil was just instituted by some extremely conservative people. the thing about the headscarf is taht i dont wear it but i do respect women who do out of choice. i feel we should all learn about this when we feel we r ready and tehn find out if we can actually do this but like there are some people who don't have a choice. like i had this friend in middle school whose father wouldn't let her leave the house w/o a scarf so that i think is crazy. my parents have left it to me to see if i want to do it because they also believe that there is no point to forcing religion. About it being a good thing i am not sure because i have seen forced cases of it and choice cases because a friend of mine now has the headscarf her mother doesn't but she does because she wants to follow what God said so nobody is undermining her rights but she is choosing to listen to God. I feel that(this is gonna sound so weird) if you r wearing a headscarf people assume you're religious and usually leave u alone which is good cause in this day and age some guys are overtly friendly and the head scart does provide a buffer, but still it should be by choie and not forced.

my views are the same on that😃

gud topic aparna di...i have A LOT 2 say and i will write it all l8er...will b baq


but goth princess....i dunno wat religion u follow. i dun think its allowed in hinduism/sikhism (correct me if im wrong all i know abt these 2 religions is frm serials and bollywood and frends)
But in Islam it is permissable but there r a lot of restrictions 2 it and stuff which ppl usually dont understand

Originally posted by: ~PaKi*PrInCeZ~

gud topic aparna di...i have A LOT 2 say and i will write it all l8er...will b baq


but goth princess....i dunno wat religion u follow. i dun think its allowed in hinduism/sikhism (correct me if im wrong all i know abt these 2 religions is frm serials and bollywood and frends)
But in Islam it is permissable but there r a lot of restrictions 2 it and stuff which ppl usually dont understand

im a muslim😃but, does that mean, u are allowed to have more than one wife aty a time, im confused, im sure its not allowed, i'll ask mi mum

Since both topics r so huge i borke it up so my posts isnt 2 long

Polygamy

Read this Article on Polygamy

another article: http://www.bilalphilips.com/abouthim/artic04a.htm

OK i hope all of you have read or atleast skimmed through the links...I googled polygamy in Islam and found them there were many more i just picked the 1st 2😆 cuz i wanted 2 have support cuz i wanted ppl 2 noe wat i was sayin is tru😊

OK as u can c in those articles, Polygamy is allowed in Islam but there r many responibilities involved with it. It isnt as bad as people think. the man is not supposed to marry 4 women just 4 the sake of pleasure or 2 show off tht he has 4 women in his life. He has 2 b equal 2 all of thm or he shudnt marry thm. Polygamy was allowed bcuz there were less men (bcuz of war and stuff) and the male to female ratio wasnt newhere near 50:50. so in order 2 balance out the social order and keep the population going Allah made it permissable but discouraged it wen it wasnt needed. And also a man isnt allowed 2 marry a 2nd or 3rd or 4th wife until he asks his other wife(s) for permisison and she is ok with it. It is a major sin if all da wives rnt treated equal and if u cant do it thn maybe u shud jus stick 2 dat 1 wife. If a man dus this only 4 the sake of pleasure thn it is also considered a sin. Islam is big on pplz intentions like ur intention is more important den ur act cuz u can fake 2 b gud but God knows wat ur thinking and wats in ur heart.

Nowadays, like the many other aspects of Islam, it is misinterpreted by the Muslims as well as Non-Muslims. Its all cuz of our lack of knowledge and ignorance. Many men think they can cheat on der wife and its ok if he marries the other 1 cuz its allowed. but it not..he has 2 ask her if she is ok with it and he has 2 b equal 2 her. Also, he cant "get bored" of jis frst wife and get a 2nd 1 and disown his 1st 1 and jus go and live with 2nd 1...if he wants 2 do tht he shd b aware tht wat hes doing is wrongg and he will b punished 4 it....also i saw this serial where a guy married a grl cuz family made him and thn he wrked in another city and married another grl there and he was transfered 2 another city and he married a grl there and he went baq and forth btwn da 2 cities and the village with his family and no1 knew lol and den da 3 grlz became frends and wanted 2 introduce e.o 2 der husband and he was avoiding it and lol it was funny...haha but ok tht was 4 ntertainemnt but yea u cant "secretly marry" a grl. if u marry again, u have 2 ask ur 1st wife if she approves of the grl and the fact tht she will have 2 share him with her and the 2nd wife has 2 know he is arready married and she has 2 accept tht and b willing 2 live with his frst wife and her kids and b willing 2 share him

 

so as u can c this is a complicated thing and guys rnt endangered or nething so i wud advise all da guys 2 marry only 1 grl even...its ezier 4 dem😉

Also, nowadaiiz its not as openly practiced and cuz of all da restrictions ppl dun do it and i dunno ne1 personally hu has experienced polygamy. but maybe it is popular in illiterate rural areas in some countries like afghanistan and stuff

 

will b baq 4 Purdah l8er

Edited by ~PaKi*PrInCeZ~ - 18 years ago

actually, yr right, u are allowed more than one wife...i just asked mi mum, and she told me, you can but u have a lot of responsibilities and stuff if u do...i didnt know that, i learnt something new today...i never knew...oh well

Originally posted by: ~PaKi*PrInCeZ~

OK as u can c in those articles, Polygamy is allowed in Islam but there r many responibilities involved with it. It isnt as bad as people think. the man is not supposed to marry 4 women just 4 the sake of pleasure or 2 show off tht he has 4 women in his life. He has 2 b equal 2 all of thm or he shudnt marry thm. Polygamy was allowed bcuz there were less men (bcuz of war and stuff) and the male to female ratio wasnt newhere near 50:50. so in order 2 balance out the social order and keep the population going Allah made it permissable but discouraged it wen it wasnt needed. And also a man isnt allowed 2 marry a 2nd or 3rd or 4th wife until he asks his other wife(s) for permisison and she is ok with it. It is a major sin if all da wives rnt treated equal and if u cant do it thn maybe u shud jus stick 2 dat 1 wife. If a man dus this only 4 the sake of pleasure thn it is also considered a sin. Islam is big on pplz intentions like ur intention is more important den ur act cuz u can fake 2 b gud but God knows wat ur thinking and wats in ur heart.

Nowadays, like the many other aspects of Islam, it is misinterpreted by the Muslims as well as Non-Muslims. Its all cuz of our lack of knowledge and ignorance. Many men think they can cheat on der wife and its ok if he marries the other 1 cuz its allowed. but it not..he has 2 ask her if she is ok with it and he has 2 b equal 2 her. Also, he cant "get bored" of jis frst wife and get a 2nd 1 and disown his 1st 1 and jus go and live with 2nd 1...if he wants 2 do tht he shd b aware tht wat hes doing is wrongg and he will b punished 4 it....also i saw this serial where a guy married a grl cuz family made him and thn he wrked in another city and married another grl there and he was transfered 2 another city and he married a grl there and he went baq and forth btwn da 2 cities and the village with his family and no1 knew lol and den da 3 grlz became frends and wanted 2 introduce e.o 2 der husband and he was avoiding it and lol it was funny...haha but ok tht was 4 ntertainemnt but yea u cant "secretly marry" a grl. if u marry again, u have 2 ask ur 1st wife if she approves of the grl and the fact tht she will have 2 share him with her and the 2nd wife has 2 know he is arready married and she has 2 accept tht and b willing 2 live with his frst wife and her kids and b willing 2 share him

thats i just got told a min ago, but in detail...i never knew that u know...but i think if i was a man, i'd prefer to have just one wife...life would be much easier, i think😳

Originally posted by: goth princess

actually, yr right, u are allowed more than one wife...i just asked mi mum, and she told me, you can but u have a lot of responsibilities and stuff if u do...i didnt know that, i learnt something new today...i never knew...oh well

   goth princess, inspite of being a muslim, you did not know of this.....this goes to show that inspite of having the liberty, albeit with restrictions, most of the muslim men do not go for a second wife, neither is it the norm. They love their woman and are mostly faithful to her, which is such a heartwarming revealation. That you have not been exposed to this fact, and those who have don't really know much about it goes on to show that it is not a universal concept celebrated by all muslims.

   I beleive that even in the Hindus there are men who would go for a second wife without a blink of an eye, inspite of knowing that it is a punishable offense. Polygamy has been outlawed for centuries in the Hindu society but still the khatriya and the brahmin class practiced it rampantly. However, for the last 1000 years or so, polygamy has all but dissapeared. Now it is consitutionally outlawed in india.

  Unfortunately, many  Indian  Hindu men tried to take advantage of the fact that the Muslim men in India are allowed to take upto four wives. There was a huge controversy few years back,most of this controversy arose from the fact that since polygamy is banned by law for the Hindus,an increasing number of Hindu men had been showing a propensity to convert to Islam whenever they wanted a second wife.

 
Finally, the Indian Supreme Court on the May 5, 2000 plugged this last legal loophole for good for all potential Hindu bigamists. Now, if it's found that a newly converted Muslim has embraced the faith only to embrace another wife or two, he should be prosecuted under the Hindu Marriage Act and the Indian Penal Code. Thus, bigamy for all Hindus, has been ultimately outlawed.