Humorous tips on how to pick up women
By Ben Goode
Do women confuse you? Do you struggle getting intelligent and beautiful women to go out with you? If you did get one to go out with you, would you have no idea what to do with her? I believe that no matter how obnoxious or stupid you are you can get good women to go out with you by using these pick up lines:
"See that red Porsche over there? It's yours if you go out with me tonight."
"I have lost's of money; do you want some?"
"I'm looking for a friendly, honest, faithful girl who doesn't mind having thousands of dollars lavished on her with no strings attached. Know anyone like that?"
"Some of my friends were planning to spend the weekend yachting to the French Riviera. Want to tag along?"
"I have an extra diamond tennis bracelet; I don't know what to do with it. I think I'll give it to the next girl who goes out with me."
"I have $15 million that's burning a hole in my pocket. I'm going to cut loose and spend it today. Want to come along and help?"
Sadly, some of these lines assume that you possess some special charms. Since some of my readers are a little light in the billionaire jet setter department I have had to come up with somealternatives. Fortunately, most women are suckers for wretched, pathetic, miserable guys. They think they can fix us. Since most guys are naturally pretty pathetic, the following lines kind of take care of most of the rest of us:
"My wife was murdered this morning. I need someone to talk to. Got a few minutes?"
"I just came home from the hospital where tests confirmed that I'm dying of terminal brain flatulence. Could you hang around and keep me company for my last few wretched hours on earth?"
"My last girlfriend ran off with a scheming lingerie salesman, cleaned out my bank accounts and ran over my best friend, my dog, Sparky. Now I have no one to talk to. Will you be my friend?"
Until they get wise, these lines should get you all kinds of female companionship.
Ben Goode, author of Understanding Women-a guidebook for guys who are often confused, along with 21 other self help books, has dedicated his life to thinking and resting for over half -a-century. He also descended from a very long line of progenitors, many of whom lived a very long time ago. For more of Ben's humor visit:
http://www.apricotpress.com
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