Being a mother…
I
nestled him in my arms. His little body curled up in my arms. He is so
delicate, like a china doll. He is my bundle of joy. He is a part of my
body…a symbol of our love. No woman can ever be complete without being a
mother. And today, I am feeling complete.
When
he opened his tiny eyes, there was a twinkle in his eyes. He smiled up
at me and I felt that I became the luckiest woman in the whole wide
world. His soft, fragile fingers wrapped around mine. He got me wrapped
in his little finger as soon as he is born.
I
can't describe how I felt, when his lips curled up at me. It felt like
magic. After being in an operation theatre for five hours groaning in
pain for my baby to come out, the joy that I felt on seeing him made me
forget everything else.
The
pain was nothing when compared to the happiness I got when I saw him.
My baby was here after all. I have been waiting for him since nine
months, and he finally came. I even don't remember the pain I went under
this period. For me, all that matters is, he is here.
I
softly kissed his forehead and his cheeks. His skin was far more
delicate than I imagined. There were tears in my eyes. I felt
inexpressible joy surge through my body. I kissed his soft ankles and
little hands. It seems difficult to believe that he is real.
I
rocked him back and forth. I felt the most heavenly feeling, when I saw
him smile. I felt my heart leaping up. How could he make me feel
immense joy in this painful condition? How could he tug at my heart
strings?
I
told him, "You know what? I love you baby. I love you more than anyone
else in this world. I am going to protect you. And don't you worry; I
would fulfill all your demands. But please forgive me if I ever scold
you for being naughty. I would only do this for your own good. Your mama
loves you."
I
took a deep breath and continued, "You know what? My mother was right.
She always said that a mother always cares for her child, irrespective
of the harsh behavior. And it's true. I love you so much that I can
never think about anything but your welfare. You are a piece of my
heart. I promise you that I would always try to understand you and be a
good mother."
I
covered his entire face with my affectionate kisses. I caressed his
fragile body with my fingers. I touched him as softly as I could. When I
felt him looking lost, I understood his needs. I wondered how I could
understand his sign language, so fast.
How could I understand his needs? How could I hear him, without any words? Is this a gift of God to every mother?
I
fed him, and I felt immense joy in that. I covered his head with my
hands, to protect him from world's bad eye. I felt the sudden urge to
protect him from everyone else. No one had the right to touch him,
except me. No matter what, I am always going to protect him.
After
hearing his tiny burp, I placed him in his wooden cradle. Although I
knew that he is safe, I surrounded him by pillows just in case he jumps
out of his cradle. I know that this is foolish, but I can't help myself.
I
was busy thinking about his soft touch, when I heard him crying. I felt
my heart break into two. My baby was crying! I felt tears budding in my
eyes. Have I hurt him? Is he unhappy due to me? Does he want more milk?
Does he want to sleep? Does he want to talk to me? Does he want to hear
a story?
I
gently picked him up and saw his mischief. My baby had dirtied his
nappy. It was for the first time in my life, that I didn't even run away
from the sight of potty. I didn't mind cleaning him. It was like; I
found him adorable even when he wasn't cleaned.
And
then I understood the most basic thing: a mother finds her baby
adorable, no matter what. No matter what the baby does, a mother always
forgives, forgets and yet loves him unconditionally. For a mother, her
baby is the most precious of all.
Then suddenly, a nurse came into view and said, "Ma'am, I need to change the baby's nappy."
She
took him away from my hands. I felt a sudden feeling of anguish and
possessiveness. How could she just barge in and take away my baby? Who
is she to hold him? I am alive to change my own baby's nappy! I can
endure the pain of walking for him.
I
can endure almost anything for him. I just gave him birth and that
pained a lot more than walking. When I tried to get up, she sensed my
worry. She made me lie down again.
She
said, "You have just given birth. You can't move from your bed for next
24 hours. Please co-operate. Don't over-exhaust yourself. I am not
taking your baby away."
When
she held him, I felt fear. What if she hurts him? What if she puts him
down? What if she can't handle him? What if her hold on him is tight and
he feels pain? He won't be able to do anything but cry! A wave of
horror went through me.
"Please handle him carefully." I instinctively said.
The nurse smiled up at me. She gently placed him in his cradle and took out his nappy. She cleaned him and changed him.
She said, "Don't worry. It's our daily job. You can stop worrying."
I
smiled at her and said, "I know that you handle babies every day. But
he is my life. And I have to worry. I am just being his mother."
Okay, this is not something of my usual genre. I just tried writing this
down. I know I can never do justice with such delicate emotions, but I
really tried.
This was just a achieve a bigger milestone in my writing. This was something...I needed to write down.
To prove myself to myself. This was a challenge I had to face. This was something I wrote...not only for myself, but for my friends and readers.
Everyone has asked me that how can I explain and define love so deeply
and beautifully [their words, not mine] when I haven't experience it
yet. Many a times, I have been subjected to a lot of questions about
love...'what is love'...'how can you describe love so
beautifully'...'are you seriously not in love'...'you are lying, cause
no one can describe love in such depth without feeling it'...etc etc.
And I literally had no answer to those innumerable questions. What to
say? I myself didn't believed in my writing capabilities, and thought
that whatever I write is plain crap...it doesn't makes sense...etc etc.
Not anymore. Today, I realized something about my writing. Yeah, late,
but better late than never.
I realized that as a writer, I can feel those emotions which are unknown
to me in real life. I always kept myself at the character's place and
wrote the whole scene, but never realized the symbolic meaning behind
it. This one-shot proves that I
can write and describe
emotions, without feeling the need to actually feel them. So, next time
anyone asks me if I have ever felt the specific feeling I described, I
would gladly say 'yes, but as a writer'.
Please leave a review if you ever manage to go through this one-shot. I really wanna know your point of view on it.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
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