Why are women discriminated n unfairly treated ? - Page 5

Posted: 12 years ago
 
 
 
Tue, Feb 21, 2012
The New Paper
 
If hubby can cheat... So can I
by Maureen Koh

Two can play the game.

"If my husband can cheat on me, why can't I do the same to him?" declares one tai-tai who readily admits to paying for the company of toyboys.

And by cheating on him, she feels "the power of still being in control".

It's late Friday night and 44-year-old Madam Nancy Cheong is happily lapping up the attention from four young men at an all-male hosts club on Orchard Road.

Enjoying the same pampering are two other friends, each with her own man.

Says Madam Cheong: "I don't see why I can't do it."

This reporter first met Madam Cheong three years ago at a KTV-like club catering to women where young, good-looking men sing, dance and cuddle with their female customers.

She had gone to the club out of frustration and loneliness because of her businessman-husband's frequent trips overseas.

She knows that her husband has a string of lovers here and in China.

Madam Cheong and her husband have a teenage daughter, who is studying in Perth.

Madam Cheong's visits to such clubs have become more regular since her husband found out about her secret a year ago.

She says with a sneer: "At first, he said he was so hurt because I had betrayed our sacred marriage vows.

"I laughed at him and told him, 'look, you are the one who has been sleeping around'."

Madam Cheong claims that her husband "transformed from being hurt to being angry".

She recalls: "He took a golf club and swung it angrily around, breaking things in the home - our wine bottles, the antiques.

"I just stood there and laughed."

When Madam Cheong's husband finally stopped, he threatened to file for a divorce.

She says: "I told him to go ahead but I also warned him that I was going to squeeze as much money as I could from him for alimony and maintenance."

That silenced the businessman.

"I knew that would happen. He wouldn't want to share his fortune with me."

When contacted, Madam Cheong's husband admitted that her accusations were true, but declined to comment further.

While men are the usual suspects when it comes to cheating, a global sexual well-being survey commissioned by condom manufacturer Durex last year revealed that women are just as likely to cheat. They just have different reasons.

The survey, which polled 506 Singaporeans, found that 19 per cent of women were unfaithful to their partners.

While it's the same percentage for men, the difference lies in that the men are likely to be either having casual sex or paying for it, while the women tend to take on longer-term partners.

With her husband now in the know, Madam Cheong says she no longer bothers to come up with excuses when she goes hunting for men.

"He does it. I do it. We keep our affairs outside of the family home - that's what straying means to me," she says.

"We made a pact to keep it out of there."

When her daughter is back in Singapore on vacation, they "go out and do things together as a family".

When she is needed, she plays the role of a loving wife and attends business events with her husband.

Why bother with such a sham marriage? "It's not a sham, it's a convenient arrangement.

"We (she and her husband) love the perfect platform that our marriage provides in keeping us from having to commit to another relationship," she says.

But a more rational reason is that they want their daughter to first graduate.

Says Madam Cheong: "It's unfair to dump this fiasco on our only child.

"We want her to live happily, graduate and get a job, and maybe one day, when she has settled down, we will break the news to her."

By then, she adds: "Maybe we'd be too old to be playing the field and we may end up wanting to live with each other all over again

Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by harshali24


Cant change each and every ones point of view but the truth is Women are mis-treated due to their beauty.A women ca dress like a guy.She can wear shirt,Pants etc. So maybe this can be the reason 
sometimes because women are physically weaker they get bullied.
They should take some martial arts and whack the guys !😆
Posted: 12 years ago
Lets not go too far off in Afghanisthan..honestly  I am appalled at the way women are treated even in India, in the cities - in today's era.
 
I am shocked at the number of rape cases which are on rise.
Recently, a 37 year old woman (with 2 kids) was gangraped by 5 men in a moving car, in Kolkata, Park Street - She had met one of the men in a club and he offered her a lift back home. As soon as she got in, 4 other guys joined in and raped her at gunpoint, physically assaulted her and finally threw her out from the car on the streets at 2am in the morning. What's disgusting is that when she went to file a FIR, the police asked her funny questions like "how exactly did they rape you" and "would you go to parkstreet with me" ... These guys are apparently educated and so called "modern".  What is even more disturbing is that when this matter was brought to media and a huge controversy was formed (infact still going on), politicians like Mamta Banerjee & the police blamed the woman for being out so late on the streets of ParkStreet on a Saturday night and accepting a lift from an aquaintance. Can you beat that?

Here'r the links :

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/kolkata-woman-raped-confirms-police/231524-3.html
 
 
And recently I got to read about another gangrape on 2 teenage girls, by 15 guys. Once again, some of the guys are from well-to-do families.
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/indore-11-held-for-gangrape-of-two-girls/232094-3.html
 
 
Sometime I fail to understand - A woman is victimised and yet on top of that, she is the one being questioned, end of the day. How fair is that ?
Edited by shalini1323 - 12 years ago
Posted: 12 years ago
I've heard so many crap stories from some of my female friends and family about how some women suffered so much in their marriage but still didn't leave their husbands. And they were so proud over these women! I almost felt like whacking them in their heads for having such opinions.
 
One horror story was about a women who's husband hit her, used drugs, slept with other people (men mostly) and what not. The women ended up dying. This story was later shared with me by the woman's older sister a few years ago. She was so proud over her little sister for putting up with all the difficulties for the sake of the family. Her sister had kept the family honour and blah blah blah. My God I was so shocked that no words came out of my mouth! I can understand that women in Pakistan don't have much choice but still it's disgusting. 
 
 
Posted: 12 years ago
well it depend on the nature of man that how he treat the women.. Women are not discriminated by there are some responsibilities that are made for women.. well i think if a women is strong enough and know her responsibilities well then no one can point finger towards her
Posted: 12 years ago
@shalini - Yeah, that case has given a serious jolt to the WB Government. And I think its more because of Didi and Madan Mitra's callous comments about the woman and her father's character. I don't get this - we are prepared to idolize a woman only if she remains within her man-made 'limits', dresses 'modestly' and clings to a man 24x7. But if she is a pub-going, independent woman, clad in a self-flattering dress, she has no right to justice? Her rape is justified and she would be blamed for being raped! Such a filthy mentality we posses.

Whether a woman wears burkha or bikini, whether she remains at home or goes to pubs, drinks  lemon juice or wine, it is the inexcusable responsibility of the government and judiciary to ensure her security and justice at all cost without playing moral police. But this case once again proves that despite calling ourselves the world's largest liberal democracy our society is still stuck in dark ages..
Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by Rehanism


@shalini - Yeah, that case has given a serious jolt to the WB Government. And I think its more because of Didi and Madan Mitra's callous comments about the woman and her father's character. I don't get this - we are prepared to idolize a woman only if she remains within her man-made 'limits', dresses 'modestly' and clings to a man 24x7. But if she is a pub-going, independent woman, clad in a self-flattering dress, she has no right to justice? Her rape is justified and she would be blamed for being raped! Such a filthy mentality we posses.

Whether a woman wears burkha or bikini, whether she remains at home or goes to pubs, drinks  lemon juice or wine, it is the inexcusable responsibility of the government and judiciary to ensure her security and justice at all cost without playing moral police. But this case once again proves that despite calling ourselves the world's largest liberal democracy our society is still stuck in dark ages..

yeah, don't even get me started on the kolkata case. as a bong i feel whatever change we voted for last yr was just the replacement of a dhoti clad autocrat with a saree clad egomaniac. I am seriously planning to learn self defense and asking my sister to do so. Clearly in Indian we do not have any freedom. We r not forced to wear the burqa but rest it is no different. And till date, the great didi, who was all for the victims of rape hasnt yet issued any apology!!!!!!! and her lackeys, madan mitra, some chairperson of some female commission stating offcourse character of a woman counts, honestly, if i had the power i would have slapped that woman at the least. At the least she should inform herself about law, even a prostitute can demand justice if she claims she is being raped and it has to be dealth with it equally. it was mandated by supreme court. why i mention prostitute coz there is a very thin line between when its consensual and when not in that case.
 Not to mention, DIdi actually forced the brilliant damayanti sen and javed hamim to clarify things in  a press conference. Had they  worked diligently the culprits would have got away!  They are now seeking transfer and will serve didi rightly.
Thank you for bringing this topic up, i was planning to open one to discuss this issue.

and the police officers are not even being investigated for hampering the process of justice, only for treating the victim in a careless manner.

why does something tell me the culprits are all well connected with ruling party and probably are large contributors to party fund and the same ol political game is being played out here too.

Sometimes i feel so angry at how our system never changes, never ever works well.

Posted: 12 years ago
I was not surprised with the police being doubtful of that incident, afterall 5 people raping a 6th person inside one moving car makes it one real big car.
However, the reactions of the politicians were totally mind boggling. Trying to tarnish the govt's image, a divorcee mother partying till late in the night is of questionable character, I guess only politicians can come up with such strange excuses.
Posted: 12 years ago

I am not sure what the rape investigation procedure is in India. The first order of procedure in any rape report is to take the victim to a hospital and have a medical professional take a rape kit. Collect any body fluids or possible DNA samples, scan fingernails for scratched skin or grabbed fibers, photograph and document any bruising, scarring or injuries. Then a specially trained officer is supposed to ask relevant investigation questions once the medical staff says the victim is ready for questioning. Usually these officers are trained in empathy skills and also trained to try and catch whether a person is trying to fabricate a rape or incoherent due to trauma.

 

Even if the police believe the person reporting a crime is fabricating the crime, they are supposed to be objective, question for facts and draw conclusions after full investigations. It is normal procedure to ask details, even very uncomfortable details on the actual rape. It is also normal to ask the timeline of events and detailed narration;  however, asking questions like 'would you go there with me?' and 'why did you take the ride' are improper character evidence that is inadmissible. Usually such questions are the ones a defense attorney brings up and usually needs to show that these questions are relevant to the facts of the case and the presiding judge approves. So the behavior of the cops is still boggling to me. 
Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by return_to_hades


I am not sure what the rape investigation procedure is in India. The first order of procedure in any rape report is to take the victim to a hospital and have a medical professional take a rape kit. Collect any body fluids or possible DNA samples, scan fingernails for scratched skin or grabbed fibers, photograph and document any bruising, scarring or injuries. Then a specially trained officer is supposed to ask relevant investigation questions once the medical staff says the victim is ready for questioning. Usually these officers are trained in empathy skills and also trained to try and catch whether a person is trying to fabricate a rape or incoherent due to trauma.

 

Even if the police believe the person reporting a crime is fabricating the crime, they are supposed to be objective, question for facts and draw conclusions after full investigations. It is normal procedure to ask details, even very uncomfortable details on the actual rape. It is also normal to ask the timeline of events and detailed narration;  however, asking questions like 'would you go there with me?' and 'why did you take the ride' are improper character evidence that is inadmissible. Usually such questions are the ones a defense attorney brings up and usually needs to show that these questions are relevant to the facts of the case and the presiding judge approves. So the behavior of the cops is still boggling to me. 

the problem is intentional delay in the procedure. the rape occured on5th feb, the victim went to police on 9th feb, the police did not take any heed and registered the case only on 10th feb. The victim was sent for test on 14th february and even though the report was prepared on thge day police came to collect it on 16th february. 
I dont know about other countries, in India, the rule stays the vixtim has to be questioned only by a female police personnel and has to be accompanied by a female for the tests. neither was done.  Not to mention, as the victim was waiting in the waiting room to know the status of the complaint,  the officers in charge were actually passing snide remarks about why a mother of 2 would go to the  pub at those hours of night.

There is nothing mind boggling about the cops, Its India, victims here do not get justice until they have strong political connections. rape victim, even if she is an innocent girl of 15 is looked upon even by the people of uniform as a willing participant. That the lady was 37,  mature enough to track the assiialants herself, go to press with her story has helped create a media storm that eventually triggered things in motion. Not to mention two very strong dedidated and honest people determine to play by the rules when their superior was busy dismissing the complaint helped the whole thing.
most of the time the victim languishes in self pity and life long trauma.
And even now the rightful officers are facing retribution from the saree clad megalomaniac whom we trusted to bring change. But app painting old heritage buildings blue and playing rabindrasangeet in busstop is as much as we are about to get
please go through the following link to get a gist of the whole episode,more news can be found out googling


sorry, this episode has disturbed me terribly, and i just cannot stop thinking about it. That woman has two teenaged daughters. my mother could have been her, my aunts could have been her.
I could have been her or my sister. I just cannot get over the callousness and irresponsible behvaiour of all those who are entrusted with power to protect us.

Edited by Tannistha - 12 years ago

Related Topics

doc-text Topics pencil Author stackexchange Replies eye Views clock Last Post Reply
Why Men are better than Women

pencil PardesiBabu   stackexchange 88   eye 8021

PardesiBabu 88 8021 4 months ago firewings_diya
Why Tv Serials supporting Marital affairs?

pencil Ayu_12   stackexchange 0   eye 2106

Ayu_12 0 2106 5 months ago Ayu_12

Topic Info

24 Participants 58 Replies 11254Views

Topic started by Summer3

Last replied by Summer3

loader
loader
up-open TOP