Chapter 3| I hate you like i love you.The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference --Ellie Wiesel.
humming silently, she pushed aside the curtains, letting the
sunlight seep into the room, filling it with a startling brightness. It
was almost close to 5 in the afternoon, but the sun was still at its
peak. Her eyes slid over to Arnav, who stifled a groan, putting out his
hand to block out the rays of sunshine. His head hurt, ribs were sore
and arms had absolutely no energy left in them, bowing, he pulled up the
comforter.
Khushi grinned shaking her head, '' i didn't come
home early, so i could play hide and seek with you'' walking over, she
pulled off the blanket, starring right into the molten pools which were
wide awake now, '' so your awake?''
''do you really hate me this
much, to unleash the sun's wrath on me?'' Arnav mocked getting up
holding onto khushi's hand for support, hissing in process, gaining her
complete attention, '' are you okay'' she instantly asked, worried.
Arnav puzzled and grinning at her concern, shook his head.
''where does it hurt?'' Khushi asked hurriedly, checking all over for any sign of bruises.
When
she saw him point towards his heart, she resignedly swatted him on the
arm, before moving over to the tray of food, she had brought upstairs
for him. He was getting better, but still wasn't able to walk down the
stairs without wincing in pain, so she had been bringing up his meal for
the past few days. Khushi placed the tray near him, and sat down beside
him, '' are you feeling better?''
''be careful, your concern is showing''
ignoring
his comment, she moved off the bedside and walked towards the dressing
table, '' well i can't help it, not all of us can turn off our emotions
like the great ASR'' her tone was meant to teasing, but he grasped
something, it was a loathing masked with a asking of a kind, which hit
him hard and good. Was she asking him for something more, from this
relationship?
''true but if you wear your heart on your sleeve,
you make yourself a easy target'' he said a little more harshly than
he'd expected and didn't miss the flaming look in her eyes,as he took a
bite out of the tuna sandwich.
''than i'd rather be a easy
target'' she professed madly, unaware she still could get angry at him.
Ever since their marriage, she had relentlessly, given up on the hope of
there being a light at the end of the tunnel, because she had been
informed and knew herself, ASR never lost. So, she called it truce and
let him carry on with his own life. But now there was a different aura
about their relationship, she didn't want to admit it, neither he.
It
was all too much for her to handle. The whole almost loosing him
experience, had tugged a few emotional strings. And now it was all a
mess, because she was neither pro ,nor con.She was just plain confused
over her feelings. Though, he was relaxed, not a bit disheveled like her
and it irked her. Why was he not facing the same desperation of
emotions.
Arnav chuckled at her flaring expression, almost
finding her to be cute, not that he hadn't found her such often, because
he had. He could almost deny himself the emotional connection to her,
but the physical had its own language. Standing there with temper like a
raging queen, he just wanted to pull her into his arm and kiss her
until she melted like a puddle of feelings she was. Shelving the almost
too appealing thoughts, he looked back at her leaning against the door
frame, all red and in a attack mode. '' why are you angry with me?''
''if
i have to tell you, it defeats the whole purpose'' she groaned too
loudly and too close to throwing the vase sitting near her on the
dresser, '' why can't you for once be honest to yourself and me. And
just tell me, you care?''
fists clenched, food forgotten behind,
he pushed away the tray, glass flew and shattered but his gaze never
wavered, neither hers, '' you want honest?'' he bellowed, getting off
the bed, ignoring the striking pain shooting its way through his nerves.
In a few steps he had her back against the wall, like a tiger caging
its prey, '' little miss honest, why don't you enlighten me with your
honesty towards this marriage''
'' oh don't you dare say it, like i am the only one. You don't want this as much as me''
his
face inches away from hers, breaths mingling with each other, '' you
are right, i never wanted this. But i was honest about it to everyone.
Unlike you i didn't hide behind the facade of false pretenses just to
save your family's face''
'' and that is the difference between
you and me. I will do anything for my family'' she snapped, annoyed he
was not listening to one word she was uttering.
''you are right,
there is a difference between me and you. You like to live far off in
your pretend world where everything is fine, even though you are
breaking from inside''
''and so what if i am? Does ASR care?''
she yelled into his ear, meeting his fierce orbs that drew into hers,
only displaying pure hatred and anger, 'thats what i thought''
his
face softened at her tone,with sadness and confusion.'' i have no
intention to help those, who can't help themselves'' Moving away from
the wall, he turned away, leaving a broken Khushi leaning against the
wall.
She was not going to cry, she couldn't give him the
satisfaction of knowing, that she cared , almost too much. All she
needed to do was, get away from him, and leave this room, this house.
But before she could do any of that, she found herself, sliding against
the wall to the floor, with gushes of tears spilling down her cheeks.
Her yearns muffled and agony silenced. Nevertheless, he didn't look back
once, making his way to the bathroom, shutting the door with a loud
bang.
'
' Its was not fair'' she confessed lightly to
herself, in a silent defeat. Knees held up against her chest, arms drawn
up, her head settled upon it, while she cried away in her own hell.
''jiji,
can you please tell maa, i will be late tonight'' grounded a desperate
khushi into her cellphone, trying to get the signal to keep working. She
looked out the window, the raindrops pelting the ground is loud
whispers, that echoed through the night like howls. It was almost mid-night, she thought ruefully.
''khushi
where are you?'payal asked with a hoarse voice, aware buaji was not far
off from where she stood, '' babuji, is worried khushi''
''jiji,
don't worry, because of the thunderstorm there is no bus service at the
moment. So i went home with Jia. Her Dad will drop me off later, once
the the rain calms down'' she assured her sister, '' accha jiji, i am
gonna go. Relax okay, i will come home soon'' after another round of
convincing her sister not to worry, Khushi shut off the phone and walked
over to Jia who waiting for her.
'' where is she ?''
Buaji asked inquiringly, watching payal's expressions change at the
question, '' Payalia, i asked you a question''
''buaji, woh ...''
stammering, Payal looked helplessly struggling with her conscious. She
didn't want to say the truth and get her little sister in trouble,
neither did she want to lie and add a sin to her list, '' buajii...woh, i
think maa is calling me, i'll be right back'' hurrying out of the
living room, she left a puzzled buaji behind, who didn't take seconds to
absorb all the information she had gathered. Which was none, but than
again many truths in life were plain lies, so what if buaji added
another to the list.
The cursed night, when everything had
gone wrong. The blanched, dark, silent, writhing night that had written
out her fate. Her fate which was to be lodged into the hollowness of
nothing, never find its way back again. It was ironic, her name spoke of
life, but where she had ended up was death. Or equivalent to that of
death, she had forever lost herself that night. Each minute turning into
long moments of nothingness, that never seemed to pass as if amounting
to eons.
Khushi heard him come out of the washroom, and than
leave the room, but his steps didn't falter once at the sight of her. Or
maybe because she was so drenched in her own pain, she missed the guilt
washing over him or the misty eyes that were now red and empty. Yes she
didn't notice them, but she did acknowledge his indifference because it
was much simpler to look at the outer layer than to loose herself in
him, when she didn't know herself so much to say.
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''good to see your feeling, better '' Anjali Sigh Raizada now
Anjali Jai Singhania,
glistened like the moon, seeing her brother back to his broody - self.
She was visiting after a week, the latter she'd seen, he was bruised and
in pain, but today, he looked look much the name he was given.
''di, i was fine before also''
''yeah
of course, those big red - orange bumps all over your face and arm,
were just a stint, right?'' she joked, sitting beside him, looking
around, '' where is khushi?''
''i don't know!'' he said with a
sigh moving over to pick up his cup of coffee. It was an honest
response, he didn't know. Ever since last night, he hadn't seen her nor
heard from her except when he slept. He'd come back so late to find her
in deep slumber at her side of the bed. And in the morning she was gone
before he woke up, concluding she went to work, since he hadn't seen her
around the house.
turning to face her brother, who was now
thinking from his expressions, '' did you two have a fight?'' her
question was meant to figure his expression, but when he smiled, she put
the thought aside, ''No. Of course not. Why would you think that?
''because
its been months and i am still not a bua yet'' giggles erupted from her
pouty lips but soon was shushed when she caught the blank expression.
Her mind was already cooking up with explanations for this bitter mood
of this, and with a wince she realized, maybe it was the honeymoon
tickets which had caused the fight. She didn't want to probe, after he
had politely told her, not to interfere in his own way of saying
everything was okay, when it was not. Running her hand over her bare
stomach, she grinned, '' but do you know, who will be a mamoo in nine
months?'' it was suppose to be a statement, but came out like a
question.
Arnav understood her, in a moment turning around to
face her, his face expressing joy, completely forgetting his own life
that was full of mess and loosing himself in his sister's happiness, ''
What the!!...Di, you never told me. Congratulations'' he said, pulling
her into a warm hug, kissing her forehead, '' exactly when were you
planning on telling me?'' he questioned in a taunting tone,
unapologetic, only to be met with a pair rolling eyes,in obvious
disagreement
'' can you please not ruin this moment for me''
Anjali heaved a breath separating herself from him, '' plus i just found
out a week ago. Jai and I were planning to invite you guys to dinner
and give you the news'' pausing she looked at him apprehensively,
contemplating whether to complete her sentence, '' but you sounded and
looked so sad, that i had to cheer you up''
'' i am not sad'' he replied almost too selfishly.
''chote...''
Her thoughts went back to the pair tickets yet again, '' the tickets
were not her idea. I gave them to her. I wanted you guys to go, so don't
blame Khushi'' Anjali spilled all in one breath and than sighed
regaining her composure. She strode over limping and glared, '' she is
not at fault every time. if you don't give this relationship a chance,
it won't give you guys a chance either.''
'' What tickets?'' Arnav scoffed, Anjali's last word going over his mind and only zeroing on the tickets she had spoken off.
realization hit her in a second, so they were not fighting because of
the tickets. She had just added to mess, silently cursing herself,
Anjali looked up at her volatile brother, who had his fists clenched
now.
If Khushi hadn't told him, neither would she, Anjali decided
a moment later. She gave her brother a genuine smile, walking over to
where her purse lay, '' its better if you ask her, chote'' Anjali
answered politely picking up her purse and giving her brother one last
hug whispering, '' You are just as wrong as her. So don't blame her for
everything'' and than left without a backwards glance.
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Closing
the front door, Khushi raked a hand through her hair. Work had been a
good self - healing distraction, her entire focus had shifted to work,
away from the mess at home. Last night, she had come to a realization
that past was a grievance just as was the present and if she wanted a
better future, she'd have to compromise on some level. This marriage was
her today and she had to accept it, as much it hurt, pained, or broke
her, it was the harsh truth. She was stuck with Arnav Singh Raizada, and
she could live in her fantasy that one day, she would break free, but
it wasn't happening anytime soon.
his steps had been cautious and
quiet, which is why khushi was startled when she came face to face,
with her husband, at the bottom of the spiral staircase. Her eyes
flinched and than settled upon his, drenching herself in steel, ''
Welcome home sweetheart'' he grinned like a fool, Khushi almost thought
he had gone mad. Until he pulled out the envelope from behind and she
realized what the welcoming home was about, '' when were you going to
tell me about these?'' he questioned in the most earnest voice he could
find, not a hint of sarcasm or anger, '' i found these in your side
table''
finding the gateway, she needed, Khushi sidestepped him, walking to the living room, '' you went through my stuff?''
''well considering, these were meant for me also. Lets not play the blame game''
flipping
around harshly, she smirked, '' your right, but lets not play any games
at all'' pulling the tickets from his hand, she walked over to the
trashcan, '' You and i both know, that living here is hell enough, that
we both don't want to spend weeks caged in one room with each other''
and with that, she threw the paper in the garbage, dusting her hands
metaphorically.
''And, if i say ----''
'' i don't care for
what you have to say''she bit out, loosing her temper yet again, the
one she had promised to keep to herself, because she would compromise.
Thats what she had decided on setting foot into the house, but seeing
him, and remembering all the things she had been forced to do, made her
bitter.
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This update is solely dedicated to Rozy77, its because of her i am back to writing it.
Also i know some have read part 1 - 3 before, so sorry for making u read it again!😳 Will update part 4 tom :)
I
really hope you like the part. Plus please do comment, i know some people are only silent readers but i would love to know your thoughts also :) Just a sincere request..
I will try to update, everyday as much as i can :)
Shix.
Edited by InvisibleSmile - 11 years ago
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