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Home is Here
The sound of traditional hymns filled the air as Prithvi and I sat down amongst the womenfolk of the community. But I couldn't hear the music. All I could hear was the voice of Prithvi promising my mother that he would take me back to the city, a promise that seemed impossible to fulfil. Why was he doing this? Why was he taking the fault upon himself? Why was he shouldering the burden of my mother's questions? Why was he acting like...my husband?
I looked around and saw happy faces everywhere and then I saw his face. There was no fire burning in them like there usually was. It was like something had died within him. Prabha thakurain's words echoed in my ears, "Woh itna bura bhi nahi hai." By custom and rites, I was now his only family. And he was willing to put it all away just to make my mother happy.
Right behind him stood my mother, angered by the turn of events, looking at me with millions of questions in her eyes.
It was one or the other. Him or her. How could I choose?
***********************
The giggling girls led us into our room. Suhagraat, they said. Whom were they kidding? We were forced into this marriage. This was going to be one long night. Seating us on the bed, one of them remarked, "Let's leave them alone. We don't want to be the kabab mein haddi".
After a long, awkward moment in the silence, I felt Prithvi shift. Was he going to split the bed? Maybe we could get over this charade after all and I didn't have to be the one to initiate it.
Then I felt it.
His hand touched my hand.
My eyes flew open and I nearly gasped as I felt a current run through my hand. My head made my hand resist his pull, but there was something that felt so right in the way my hand fit in his. He then opened up my palm and I felt something cool and metallic touch my skin. THE RING! He was giving it back to me! I snatched back my hand, but the ring was already in it.
"The women said that this ring means I want you to love me. It need not be that way. You can have the ring. You don't have to be bound to me by a piece of metal. You're free."
Somehow, the words he said broke my heart. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so connected to him. It wasn't meant to be like this. I was supposed to HATE him, not feel these weird inexplicable feelings for him. He was, after all, saying something that I wanted. I wanted to have nothing to do with the person who tried to kill me.
Then why did it hurt me?
Deciding we were too tired with the day's events to argue about the issue of the bed, we just slept on it, keeping as far a distance from each other as we possibly could. The smell of the flowers hanging around the bed had a calming effect and we were asleep in minutes.
**************
I awoke as a ray of sunlight hit me. My eyes widened in shock to see Prithvi's face inches away from mine, his arms around me. The sindoor from my forehead had smudged on his chin. I smiled as he looked like a little boy who'd played with colours and gotten it over himself. His chiselled face looked so angelic without the angry look he always gave me. How could I not have seen the softness in his features? How could I have missed the man who lived in this beast? Somehow, I loved the feeling of his arms around me. I felt safe, protected, loved. I could lie here forever. WAIT. What was I thinking?? This was the man I detested!! I loosened myself from his grip, careful not to wake Prithvi up.
As I crossed the drawer chest on the way to the washroom, I saw the mangalsutra and his rudraksh lying where I'd left it, beside the picture of the deity. I let my fingers run over the beads, his rudraksh in particular.
Home to me had always meant Bitto and myself. But did home mean the same to my Bitto without her husband?
Bitto was here now. And from what I saw between her and Ramdhari Singh yesterday, she was happy here with him. It was meant to stay that way.
I turned around and looked at Prithvi and suddenly, there was a sense of belonging.
Maybe THIS was really my home.
Just a really small OS that came to my mind after watching yesterday's episode. Feedback would be much appreciated 😊
-Larina
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