Zoya stood outside waiting for a taxi or a rickshaw or anything to get her away from here as the rain soaked her slender form. Silent tears rising from her pudgy eyes hidden in the rain. A slight breeze swept by the side road and Zoya shivered.
"That blasted man," Zoya cursed him as her jaws slightly quivered. With more force this time, "may the devil take him," she cursed up at the sky, squinting her eyes as the rain drops landed on her lashes, hoping someone was hearing her up there and would do exactly what she had said. Hoping perhaps he would magically disappear from this earth. Afterall, this earth was too good a place for people like him. But then of course her treacherous heart had to get in the way and beg for leniency, hope that he would never be taken away.
Madness is what Zoya was calling it. She was fuming. She was bleeding. She was hating, yet caring. She could not decide what to do on the verge of this unrelenting madness.
"What the devil did he think of himself?" Crying it was again then. Zoya let out a slight laugh at that, a hysterical one. Perhaps she was losing her mind, thus the madness. He had pushed her past the edge one too many times and it seemed he had pushed her right off the edge this time.
Murder. He thought of her capable of that. The words still haunted her, echoed in her consciousness over and over again.
"Aap jaisi be lihaaz aurat yahi toh karegi Ms. Farooqi (Something like this is expected of an immoral woman like you, Ms. Farooqi).
Oh the Ms. Farooqi at the end had stung perhaps more then the rest of his vicious words. She had never heard her name said in such a manner as if her name were wholly evil, as if it inspired disgust. The hatred in his eyes boring into her fragile heart. She would never forget those eyes as long she she lived and pain would lace her heart each time she remembered those eyes.
"Who does he think he is? Zoya Farooqi can live without him. I don't need him," trying to convince herself or the heavens above she did not know.
"Aapne Taanu ki jaan lene ki koshish ki. (You tried to kill Taanu). Get out of this house Ms. Farooqi."
Someone had tried to kill Tanveer the previous night. She had been attacked in Mr. Khan's house. Taanveer had cried a little and those false tears had melted Mr. Khan, but he could not see her tears. He could never see her pain, her truth. Her truth was always subject to an outsider's verification. Tanveer had blamed Zoya and of course Mr. Khan had very generously bestowed the blame on her tiny shoulders as he had always done in the past. Never once doubting the outrageous claim. He had thrown her out of his house in the middle of the night leaving her to fend for herself.
"That bas***d, uhhh..." She could not rid herself of the frustration of falling in love with a man so wholly undeserving...of loving a man who would never treat her with respect for who she was, a man who would never understand her, a man who may never love her back. In hindsight, it was all her fault really. What had she been thinking loving a man who had insulted her every step of the way, but then his kind eyes and tiny smile flashed behind her lids and she the feelings rushed in. She remembered again why she had fallen for him to start with.
She would replace all those memories with the sour ones of him hurting her, of him slapping her, punishing her. She would forget him.
"I will forget his very existence. You all watch," she screamed at the heavens again. Perhaps she was angry with the angels themselves for her doomed destiny to love an unappreciative, unworthy man. She wanted to scream to them that she would change the course of her life, she would change the destiny they had begotten her.
Her battle with the high lords was put to a halt when she heard a splash from behind her. Alarmed, she looked back and stood frozen for one terrifying moment. Two men approached her threateningly in a drunken stupor. She took several steps back, stumbling through her purse on her hip trying to find her pepper spray as she kept her eyes level with the frightening drunk men.
Finally opening the can she held it at arm's length and sprayed with all her might, hopefully blinding them for eternity. Then she sprang in the opposite direction.
A couple minutes later she stopped and looked back to see no one was following her. She breathed a sigh of relief and stopped. A mistake. Heavens were perhaps upset with her for the defying speech she had made moments ago.
One of the men was right behind her again. The man grabbed her wrist and she squealed. He pulled her towards him and pawed her. Zoya felt disgusted as she smelled the fowl smell of alcohol on his breath.
She squirmed but his hold was too tight to get out of. She had to fight for her life because Asad Ahmed Khan was not going to come to save her. As that thought crossed her mind she lifted her feet and bent her knees and hit him with the utmost force she could generate. And down he went howling.
She took that opportunity and fled again.
She had been running for ten or so minutes with the rain pounding on her head and getting more and more tired with each stride.
Zoya suddenly realized she had been running on the middle of the street when a car almost ran her over. Thankfully, she had gotten out of the way in the nick of time. The car had ended up smashed against a tree.
Zoya quickly ran to the car to make sure the driver was fine.
Luck was really not on her side, Zoya realized as she saw the driver...Mr. Khan.
Her nose started to flare again at the sight of him. Her pain rising again. He was the last man on this planet she had wanted to see ever again but her destiny seemed to be playing a cruel joke with her, shoving him in her face only moments after he had ripped her heart out.
The force of the crash had caused his head to bang against the steering wheel, but he was still fine, evidenced by his sudden shift. Mr. Khan gazed out of the window staring straight at her.
Despite the anger, she would not have left a dog, let alone a man, injured on the street. But now that he was fine, Zoya could run away peacefully.
Unfortunately, Mr. Khan would not give her that little peace of never having to see him again. Before she could escape, he had opened the car door and had her wrist clasped in his strong hands.
Zoya was really tried of being manhandled, especially after the recent attack, so she twisted and turned her wrist in the hope of freeing herself. But he was much stronger. How many times had she praised his six packs and admired his hard body, now she cursed it because it kept her where she did not want to be. She would rather have burned her wrist than have him touch her. His harsh words had finally done the unthinkable...brought her out of her stupid dreams. And they had been stupid. To hope she could be loved by such a hypocritical, undeserving man was stupidity to its core.
The battle of the wills pursued with his warm, but deceiving, eyes boring into her glaring ones. He may be stronger, but her will was stronger.
She pushed him and she wrenched her wrist away. Her strong will being aided by the adrenaline pumping through her veins caused him to budge and finally she was out of his grasp. She backed up several steps, but he closed the distance.
"Stay away from me," her voice calm, but her eyes shooting fires.
"I can't. I have come to take you back. Come with me."
Her eyes narrowed to an impossible degree. Oh, the audacity of that man. She could just shoot him right here, right now and not feel any guilt.
Zoya was losing her mind. She could not stand this man in front of her. His condescending manner. He could shove it up his ass for all she cared because she no longer had to listen to him and neither did she want to listen to him. She had put her self-respect, her pride aside one too many times for this man who was never willing to relent.
"The hell I will. Actually hell will freeze over before I go anywhere with you. I would rather die here on the street than go with you. You will have to drag me kicking and screaming before I go anywhere."
Before she could even move or utter a squeal, he was in front of her and then her stomach was shoved on his shoulder. He had taken her over his shoulder. Rage filled her at the audacity of his man.
Her fists pounded his back and her legs kicked his chest but he dealt with the struggle swiftly by wrapping his arms around her legs, stilling them, but she continued pounding his back.
"How dare you. Baba azam ke jamane ke pagal, neche utaro mujhe. Purani sooch wale gadhe, UTARE MUJHE (Put me down you old fashioned moron, PUT ME DOWN)." She screamed but he was not to be moved.
He opened the driver's side and placed a thrashing Zoya in the passenger's seat. He got in quickly before she could attempt an escape, and started driving.
Zoya screamed which didn't work, then resorted to threats which also didn't work. She would not beg though. No matter what, she would not plead to this dishonorable man. The last remnants of her self-respect were too precious to give away in such a manner to the same man who had stripped her of it.
So finally she gave up and remained silent.
A while later, she gasped as the thunder roared like a hungry beast. She had not realized amidst all the manhandling that the rain had increased exponentially, and now there was traffic jam and they were stuck.
Zoya took the opportunity to slyly run away but before she could even reach for the door handle, he had her wrists clasped in his hands yet again.
One day, she was going to cut that hand off slowly, tortuously, if it kept grasping her like this.
Mr. Khan parked the car off to the side somewhere dragging Zoya out the driver's side again and took her to a nearby shed.
She was seething inside at this treatment of her. First he had blamed her of murdering his lady love then kicked her out in the middle of the night and now he had the nerve to drag her around like this.
Several moments after they had entered, he spoke up.
"I..I am sorry."
Zoya huffed. Classic Asad Ahmed Khan. Do something wrong and then apologize. Of course darling, sweet Zoya will always forgive him because she was a bumbling idiot.
"Please Ms. Farooqi. I did not know. Tanveer...she was lying."
She was just not going to respond because he was not worth it. Not worth her time, her energy, or her love. She just stared at the hay on the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"Look at me dammit." He said as he grasped her chin and forced her to look into his eyes.
She still remained her cool, not letting him affect her. But inside, she was fuming. How dare he treat her like this as if she was rag doll.
"Please..." he plead. His pleas were thawing her heart slowly, but before she could let her emotions give away her last modicum of respect, she remembered all the things he had said to her just hours ago and toughened up again.
"Zoya..." she looked into his eyes at that. He had called her Zoya for one, and plus he had said it with such longing that she could not remain unaffected. She was human afterall.
"Zoya I...love you." Her eyes widened. She had not expected to hear that. For some reason, she wanted to believe him. Despite all the things said in the past, she knew those hard eyes that had gone chocolate soft could not lie.
No, she reprimanded herself. Even if he loved her, so what. She could not live with a man who would never respect her, even if he loved her. Besides, she did not understand his version of love where you distrust and disgrace the woman you claim to love. Maybe their definitions were different.
"You love me too, don't you?"
"No," Zoya finally broke the silence.
Zoya wanted to believe the lie she had just uttered, but it was just that. She may be angry with this man, she may hate him, but she could not deny that for some godforsaken reason she cared about him.
He huffed a little, and said "jhotti (liar)."
She glared at him at that. The smugness of his sureness of her feelings rubbed her the wrong way.
"I hate you," she said spewing fire from her eyes. Hoping he would believe her and leave her alone for all of eternity.
"That may be true, but you love me too." He closed the last few meters between them, placing his hands on her waist and had her flush against him. She looked up at him surprise evident in her eyes.
His hands slowly moved up and down her spine and Zoya had to suppress a shudder. One of his hands came up to her neck and his thumb glided over the sensitive part of her neck. She couldn't hold back the next shudder that went through her body. Her eyes shut and all she could do was feel his hands wrecking havoc on her system.
Suddenly she felt his lips at her neck...nipping, biting, licking at the slope and she moaned.
Just before she could lose herself...a shred of sanity shot through her and she pulled back from him.
But he was not relenting. He kept walking towards her, watching her as a predator watched his prey, but she would not be his prey. She would not fall, not this night.
Within moments she had backed herself against one of the bamboo's that were holding the shed together. And just like that he had captured her in his arms again.
"Why are you breathing so hard then?" She had not even noticed that her breathing was so labored, her heart rate skyrocketing.
"Lust," Zoya said. "Not love."
"Lust can lead to love and love can lead to lust. But, it's the latter in your case Zoya. I will prove it to you."
He kissed her cheek then and trailed towards her lips. Zoya got lost in seventh heaven when his lips touched hers. Slow, tender at first then almost desperate as his tongue fought to gain entrance in her mouth which she kept refusing. Zoya fought hard to keep her lips sealed, but lost eventually perhaps because the kiss was too magical to fight against.
Finally he pulled away, and whispered across her cheeks, "strawberry. You taste like strawberries."
After a few moments when his heart had returned to normal, he said "I am sorry Zoya for everything that I said. For thinking you could do anything like that. Tanveer had evidence, which I now know was all fabricated."
That brought Zoya down from her high fast and quick. She could not hold back the anger anymore. She was fuming.
"Oh right because Zoya's truth cannot be proven until someone else verifies it. Because you can never just trust me. Because you always must distrust me since I am an evil, modern girl. You hate the very idea of me. You hate my morals, my opinions, my lifestyle and you say you love me. You criticize me for even breathing." She paused, lowering her voice she laid herself bare, "I have never in my life met anyone who made me feel so horrible about myself. So inadequate, as if no matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I will never be good enough," she whispered the end as her eyes simmered with tears.
She hated this feeling of inadequacy that he incited in her. The hatred stoked a fire in her again, "And you think I love you," she scoffed at that trying hoping if she scoffed enough she would finally believe the lie. Truly, she did not understand how she could love a man who made her miserable most of the time, who made her feel this way. Maybe it was because of the times he looked at her and got lost, or the times he saved her life, or the times he touched her tenderly. She did not know, but he always somehow ended up making her miserable.
"Yes but despite how big of an ass I am, you still love me. I don't deserve it I know, but you do love me. I can see it in your eyes. I can even feel it."
Stop here if you want to read a happy ending (Scroll down a little for the Alternate ending)
"Look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me."
She looked him point blank in his eyes and said, "I do love you," emphasizing each syllable. "But you don't deserve me and I will be damned before I spend my life with the likes of you. A dog is better than you Mr. Khan. Atleast a dog is faithful to the one who cares for him, and loves him while you hurt the ones who love you." There that would hurt him the way he had hurt her. "Regardless, it does not matter if I love you. You are not worth my time or my love because you are nothing but a hypocrite who destroys those he does not agree with. No amount of pleading, begging will change my mind because I would rather spend my days lonely with my respect intact then spend it with you without it.
"Zoya please. What can I do so you will forgive me."
"Nothing. There is nothing you can do," she said with a strange resolve.
As a last attempt to stop her, he got out a diamond ring from his coat pocket and presented it to her. "Marry me and I promise I will make everything right. I will change."
"No, I won't," and with that Zoya walked away from him for the first time with her head held high. Despite the pain of her first love being unfulfilled, she felt content. Sometimes you have to leave those you love because you can compromise everything for love, even your life, but you cannot give up your self-respect. You cannot be a shadow of your previous self for the man you love.
Happy AU:
Asad went on, "I always tried to push you away from me because I did not want to admit that I needed you. I would tell myself that you can never be serious or have any responsibility because then I would never even think about you as a potential wife. No that's only partly true. The truth is Zoya I always thought I was a conservative man but now I realize that I am just a judgmental, hypocritical man. My past influenced me in ways I did not realize. I never knew when my conservative beliefs became hypocritical, or when they started to make you feel this way. I...I wish I could go back and redo it all. I would not judge you so this time around. I would love you as I intend to for the rest of my life. I would never treat you the way I did. I would not take you for granted. I would just love you. But I can't go back so now I will change starting right now."
Asad reached in his pocket and got out a diamond ring. He kissed it and slowly got down on his knees while locking his eyes with Zoya's. The depth in them made her knees go weak. Good lord. He was saying all the things she wanted to hear. How was she supposed to remain vigilant when he said these things to her? When he made her every fantasy come true?
Her eyes glowed at the sight of him on his knees with the glowing diamond ring between his fingers, asking her, "please Zoya, marry me. I promise to love you, honor you, and respect you forever. A last chance. Please say yes."
Suddenly, chuckles escaped Zoya's lips, and tears escaped her eyes involuntarily. How could she say no. She may regret it the next time he called her modern but she still could not deny him. He was asking for a final chance, how could she refuse? If she said no, she would live her life wondering about what ifs. So only one thing was left to be said, "Yes."
A big smile spread across his face. He put the ring on her finger while he was getting up, which caused another fit of laughter to rise from Zoya's throat as she watched him struggle to accomplish both tasks together, but the laughter disappeared when he kissed her. And Zoya was lost.
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