An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.". |
Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination, but knocks on the door when it gets there. |
Q: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste. |
A couple were sitting in the living room watching TV when the phone rang.
Husband picked it up, listened for a minute then screamed, "How the hell would I know? Call the weather bureau!"
Wife: "What was that all about?"
Husband replied, "Aw, it was just some dumb dork wanting to know if the coast was clear". |
Titanic is going to be drowned. Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God, just then a passenger asked the captain of the ship.
Passenger: How far is land, from here?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
Captsin: .....!@#$% ...??
Passenger: Just tell me which side, land is two miles from here ?
Captain: Downwards.... |
Women are like computers...
as soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model. |
My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!". | |
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