A small sigh escaped from Ganga s lips how could she manage she wondered. She licked her lips nervously today was her first day in college, the induction they called it and it had begun with a comedy of errors. She had slept like a baby even the ringing alarm had been unable to wake her up from her slumber. It had only been Anandi s call to wish her that she had opened her eyes groggily. She had cut the conversation short and had gotten ready in record time. She had to literally plead with the warden to take care of Mannu before she could leave to eat breakfast and get a glass of warm milk for him. Her three room mates who she had only exchanged only a few words with had already left. Their displeasure after seeing they had to share a room with a woman who had a baby in tow was evident. She had been allowed to stay for three months in the campus hostel with the baby hmm to be more precise till freshers day whatever that meant she mused. Then when she had gone to the mess, the pungent aroma of sambar hit her as she looked around for the manager, who had point blank refused her to warm milk for her baby. Tears in her eyes she went back buying a packet of biscuits which he relished. When she finally left for college, she took a wrong turn and entered the wrong building Damn this campus was huge she cursed. At last when she entered the huge auditorium it was packed with people who were praying. She looked around and it sent a pang through her heart, every candidate had come with their respective families while she sat alone in a corner trying to decipher what the people on the dais spoke in flawless English.
In all the confusion she had forgotten to call Doctor sa, last night she had reached late and had been busy with the room allotments. She and Mannu had fallen asleep as soon as their heads touched the pillow. She rummaged her bag and removed her phone when the apron clad person sitting next to No phone s allowed during College hours in a scathing tone. Was she supposed to be the staff? She wondered she dint want to rub people the wrong way from Day 1 and she dropped the phone in the bag meekly.
It was supposed to be a batch of 60 people and they were all called on the stage to introduce themselves so that they could break the ice. Her palms were sweaty as she held the mike and introduced herself like Doctor Sa had taught her. He had told her it would be common that the seniors could stop her anywhere even on her way to the washroom or drop by her room and ask her to give her Intro and she would have to entertain them. He had told her to do anything sing dance whatever they want boldly.
The day passed quickly as they were given an introduction of the course, how the subjects would be divided, how the exams would be held, the marking system, the books needed.
She came back to her room and a serene smile lit her face as she saw Mannu sleeping. She sat next to him and stroked his head lovingly looked like the warden had left him all alone. How could she continue like this she wondered? She planted a kiss on his forehead he was such a cheerful boy inspite of the circumstances he had been brought up in. She had tried her best to shield him from the harsh realities. Speaking about Harsh realities she could not stop her thought wandering to the engagement. She had been a fool! What had she been thinking she wondered? He was the man responsible for her metamorphosis and the only feeling she was allowed to have for him should be a lifetime of gratitude she reminded herself. The moment she had seen him standing with Mannu s toy with a strange glint those almond eyes in his eyes her heart had soared but a few minutes later she was thrown back to the ground wrestling the bitter truth when he had said his good bye s calmly. He had given her an envelope insisting she opened it only after she had settled there. She had guessed it might be some bank documents that would take care of her finances. She needed to freshen up and start flipping pages of those humungous books they had been given today. She opened her bag and looked around. The room was sparsely furnished four cream coloured beds and four study tables attached to their respective cupboards with a mirror attached to its door. She carefully arranged her clothes and books but the thought that she had to vacate it after freshers hung like a sword. She held the English to Hindi dictionary Gehna and Basant had given her the day before she was leaving and placed it on the table.
She decided to call Docter Sa and tell him everything about the first day. A familiar voice drawled hello and she dint like the affect it still had on her. Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder was a genius she concluded. She put up a brave front and answered all his questions, sometimes adding in more than he had asked, but she decided it was best to not tell him yet about the accommodation problem, she knew he would come here as soon as he could and that would worsen the problem both for his mom and her aching heart. He proceeded to ask her if the seniors had been troubling her and she replied in the negative. A few minutes later she heard someone shriek that there was an emergency and he hung up. For a moment she wished she was assisting him and she smiled wistfully when she realized in three years she could do it legally. For now she needed to focus on her studies, assignments and practicals.
It had taken her almost three week s time to settle in, standing in a queue to use the washroom, the food was different they added coconut in everything but Mannu seemed to have developed a liking to it. The woman who cleaned the hostel rooms had agreed to take care of Mannu for some extra money and she dint have to burden the warden every day. The books which had earlier seemed like Latin and Greek now began to make sense as she religiously tried to befriend them. He would call her after having dinner and she would ask him to explain whatever she did not understand they would discuss her doubts till late in the night Mannu resting on her lap as she constantly took down notes. There had been days when both of them had fallen asleep talking on the phone, she did wonder at times how would Sanchi react if she would call him late at night and found her call waiting.
All this while the white envelope had been in her study table drawer hidden carefully below the notes a kind senior had lent her. She knew he would nt be calling her tonight as he had to go to some party and she decided to open it as she had some free time for herself.
She tore open the envelope and to her surprise she found a single white paper. She read the first few lines the familiar messy scrawl on the sheet made her wonder what had he written to her in such hurry as he had forgotten to cross his T s
Ganga
I hope by the time you are reading this you have completely settled down. It is strange to write this now a few hours before my engagement.
Who had told her it would be so difficult grappling with heartache she sighed and continued reading.
Or rather a few minutes before I decide to rush out from my sister s naming ceremony to see you off .I think by now you know that the teddy bear was just an excuse. I had a hard time deciding what to give you as a parting gift as Tausa and Taisa have already given you the dictionary which was my idea originally. Dont judge them that they came to meet you secretly. So I turned up empty handed but I know I should not be let off the hook so easily so if you ever like / need / want something am just a phone call or letter away.
Ganga looked at the letter in amazement. Why dint he ever ask about it in their regular phone calls? She guessed he might have been uncomfortable talking about it as it was easier to pen down your thoughts that say them aloud. The next lines confirmed her guess
I decided to write this as I know myself I will never have the nerve to discuss all this in person and a letter is less pressurizing.
It was more intimate than he knew Ganga smiled.
The day your admission was confirmed I could not have felt prouder but a small thought dint leave my head what if she got ragged? Could she be able to bear it and emerge a stronger person? I know my worries are my own fears. They are a part of the nightmare I still have at times waking me in the middle of the night, flashes of memories which have been suppressed, glimpses that leave me restless. They come to me at unexpected times and catch me off guard mostly at times when I am weak. A few days the incident is just something that happened in my life but on other s it s still an open wound.
What was he talking about? Ganga wondered .What had happened to him a long time ago that still affected him at times? She knew that feeling well and she also knew that if he ever felt comfortable he would not mind sharing it with her.
So I am going to keep in touch with you on a regular basis so that you always have someone to confide in if anything goes wrong. A line of communication always open for you if need be.
Tears welled in the corner of her eyes automatically so the long phone calls in the evening s had been for his own assurances.
I know that is really selfish of me but I cant help it. I hope you read between the lines.
What on earth did he mean by that? She mused.
I thought for a moment how to end it. Do I write Doctor Sa like you call me? It sounds so narcissistic, Mr Singh is still my dad, Dr Singh sounds so formal(but I expect you to address me with it when you come back and join my hospital as a staff), and Jagat brings back some unpleasant memories. So Jagya it is.
Jagya
Ganga looked at it and ran her thumb on his name. So he had decided to share his life, his past with her but he would be sharing his future with another, the woman who might have accompanied him to the party he was attending tonight. The last line clouded her sensible judgement and left a hundred questions in her head.
PS: By the time you read this I would have broken my engagement to Sanchi and will be a free man.
So how was it 😳...I love detailed reviews 😆
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