SHIFTED TO GEET FORUM - Page 3

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DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Originally posted by: goldenmoon

beautiful
cont soon

Thank u
Originally posted by: nupurjain1234

beautifully written

loved it.


continue waiting eagarly

and thank u shikha dee for recommenation

Thank U :)
Originally posted by: ammu5

simply amazing...looking forward...thanks for da PM

Thnx
Originally posted by: honeygrape

sounds interesting

Thnx
Originally posted by: aanya84

Wow amazing !!!!๐Ÿ‘

The way u wrote those 4 lines was beautiful
Looking forward to know how the story will turn up
Waiting for u to update next instalment๐Ÿ˜Š
Love aanya ๐Ÿ˜ƒ



P.s thank u AthenaA for ur recommendation ๐Ÿ˜ƒ 


Thank you :) 
DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Originally posted by: -dia-

Indeed beautiful concept !!!

Hoping that u'd like it :)
Originally posted by: Onir

Quite Interesting ... "An Extraordinary Lady in an Ordinary girl" ๐Ÿ˜Š



Looking forward to this one ... it has made me quite curious 

Hoping that u'd like it :)
Originally posted by: Enchantress

Hey, someone recommended this fiction to me saying this is one beautiful piece of work. And, after reading this I could say yeap this is something different and simply beautifulThank You. I did felt an instant connection to the story and so as to know what that connection is I want to read more of it You humble me, thnx. For that you need to continue soon. Do pm me when you continue this...

Dee

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Posted: 10 years ago

CHAPTER ONE

 

IT'S  ASTOUNDING  HOW  WHAT  OUGHT  TO  HAVE  MADE  YOU  WINCE,  MADE  YOU  SMILE.  THERE  IS  A  NOVELTY  IN  THIS  WARMTH  YOU  FEEL  WHEN  YOU  READ  HER  WORDS  TO  OTHERS,  SO  SICKLY  SWEET  THAT  THEY  SHOULDN'T  HAVE  SOUNDED  GENUINE,  BUT  THEY  DID.  YOU'RE  NOT  SOMEONE  TO  INITIATE  A  CONVERSATION  WITH  A  STRANGER,  BUT  THERE'S  A  CHARM  ABOUT  HER  YOU  CAN'T  RESIST.  WELL,  THERE  ARE  ALWAYS  FIRSTS.  SHE'S  KIND  OF  CUTE,  YOU  KNOW.  SWEET,  DEFINITELY!  SUGAR  SWEET,  PERHAPS!  BUT  YOU  LIKE  HER  ALMOST  FROM  THE  START,  NO  SHIT.


Charming, aren't I? Guess what, to be honest I don't remember what our first interaction was. I don't remember such things, you know that right. That is not to say I'd not like to remember. It was one of the best things to happen to me, after all. So what I don't remember the conversation, I remember what I'd felt, well, somewhat. I am sure I'd felt happy when I'd first talked with you. And though you'd kill me for this, yes, I'd thought you were sweet, too. Perhaps a little on the forced side, but hey, you tried. You were adorable. It must have taken quite some effort to be so painstakingly sweet with someone you didn't even know. I am so glad you made the effort. Because you did, you gave me an elder sister"Someone to love, someone to pester, and someone to fight for. For that I am eternally grateful.


By the way, as much as I love having your journal to me for reading . . . all the wonderful words you've sprouted about me . . . Flatters my ego, all of it does. But I think you might want to get out of the water now. Swimming in Sukhna is prohibited, my dear sis. You can cling to this tall guy standing on the ground, too. And, oh, you might as well loosen your grip. Your nails are sharp if you haven't realized. Poor guy!


Okay, seriously, you guys need to get out of there, soon . . . like right this moment. The officer is walking this way"an oldie who would have been borderline cute if he weren't looking quite so stern.


Too late! You're caught!


I have this weird craving. I want to go take a walk about the garden. I am presuming by the time I get back the officer would be done with the dressing-down.

 

"Sir, I know about the rules. I've never broken any. This guy pushed me into the water." She could literally feel the anger bubbling inside her. She'd lived five and twenty years on the right side of the law. No tickets. No fines. She wasn't about to let a man change all that.


"I'll pay the fine for both of us." The man cut in.


"Excuse me!" She turned to look at him and now that her life wasn't in danger and her brain was functioning alright"if she ignored the red haze clouding it, that is"it struck her that he was tall. Like really tall. She had to crane her neck to look at him. That only served to fuel her temper. "I'll pay my own fine!" Damn it, did she just say that. Talk about jumping on the axe!


"It's my fault you were in the water. I'll pay." The man pulled out his wallet, but before he could open it and get to the cash, she'd already paid her fine and was walking away, bare feet.


I am back. Wow, you're red. My own temper is volcanic, but it's more bluster than anything else. Yours, sis, could make a volcano appear warm.


It isn't such a big deal, you know. Just a fall into dirty waters and you're 500 bucks poorer. I am sure it's common place in many a lives. Hey, life's all about such things. If there weren't some bumps on the road, so to speak, the ride ain't no fun. Some years from now, you'll think back and laugh about this.


What exactly are you muttering, by the way? Cursing the guy, aren't you! Come on, sis, the guy was good. I like him. For starters he is tall. Second he didn't complain about the damage your nails did to his arms. Third he is walking behind you right now, with the flip-flops you forgot on the stairs in his hand. And . . . you simply have to fall for that purposeful stride.


"Ma'am!" she heard someone shout after her. Good that that word was still alive in people's vocabulary, she thought, not realizing it was directed at her.


Okay, I definitely like the guy. Something tells me he's just the one to make you bite your tongue.


Sis, watch your step. There's a half eaten slice of pizza five steps ahead, and trust me you don't want all that cheese under your feet.


"Ma'am, I've got your slippers." Someone was calling out. It wasn't until he said""The short lady in blue""that she stopped.


Ouch. Disastrous choice of words, tall guy! Dee-sastrous! Lady is in your favor, but short nullifies the effect. It's a sore point with her, which you're sure to discover soon enough. She just went redder, if that's even possible.


Sis, it's alright, big shit. So what you're tiny. Tiny equals cute! Maybe!


I am thinking I kind of like that look in your eyes, sis. If looks could nuke, this is just it.


"What is your problem?" It was a wonder her teeth didn't fall off, what with all that forceful gritting.


"You forgot these?" the man gestured towards the black flip-flops hanging from his fingers.


She glanced at them first, then at her feet and all but snatched them from him.


Where are your manners, sis? Say sorry and thank you!


"Thanks, but I could have gotten them myself." She said, not meeting his gaze"its intensity unsettled her.


Hopeless case, you are.


"You're welcome, and I got them for you, so it's okay." He replied in a calm, reasonable tone.


Aww! I like you, tall guy!


"No one asked you to." She bit off.


That's rude. Sis, you do realize you have a guilt trip coming.


"As I've said, it's okay. And sorry for the fall, I didn't mean to bang into you." He said, again in that calm, reasonable tone and damn it, it grated on her nerves.


"I can't swim. I could have drowned!"


"We weren't in deep. Barely five feet"


"I am barely five feet."


"I can see that." He half smiled, half smirked.


I like that smile. Like it. Love it. Oh la la!


She closed her eyes for a moment and recounted to herself all the reasons why a fight with a random guy was futile. There was only one reason why she should argue and it was that reason which prevailed. She wanted to argue.


"Of course you can see. After all, seeing is all what men like you do." She said it, and instantly regretted the saying.


That was low, sis. I will personally kill you if you don't apologize.


"I apologize if I offended you. Good bye." He spun about and walked away.


Stop him and say you're sorry. I get that he shouldn't have smiled and all about your height, but come on, you've got some standards. Sis, stop glaring at his back! And put on your shoes. Okay, you just saw your hand.


"My bracelet" She whispered in panic, staring at her empty wrist. Then, she ran.


She raced down the pathway, her flip-flops in her hands and her heart pounding. Darting her eyes across the stairs and over the water, she looked for her charm bracelet. She saw her journal lying on the stairs, but there was no bracelet.


"Shit." She ignored the journal and thoughtlessly waded into the water, two steps down. She'd have gone further but a hand closed around her wrist. "You said you can't swim." The same man"the one person she hated most on earth right that moment"stopped her.


"Back off." Eyes red and swimming, she all but snarled at him, tugging her hand from his grip. His hand around hers didn't budge. "Whatever you're looking for, you won't find it in the water. Drop it."


"What part of back off is so hard to understand. Leave my hand, now." It was easy to let the panic and terror escape in the form of anger. "Back off!"


"What are you looking for?" he asked, ignoring her words.


"Let go of my hand!" she tugged harder.


"Stop it. You'll hurt yourself."


"If you do not let go of my hand, I'll scream."


"You're loud enough already, no offence. What are you looking for?"


"My bracelet. Now leave my hand."


"You can't find it in the lake now."


She wanted to yell, but she knew he was right. After a moment, she rasped, "Let me go."


This time, he listened.


In silence, she picked up her journal, put on her slippers and climbed the stairs.


"I am sorry if they were important." He was right behind her.


She didn't trust herself to speak, even if it was to ask him to get lost. So she kept walking.


I don't know what to say. I can't say it was just a bracelet, because I know what it meant to you, even if it was just a bracelet. Don't look so sad, sis. Please, I hate being sentimental, and seeing you like this is breaking my heart.


Not being able to do a thing about it is making me so angry at God. And I hate putting blame on others, you know that right. But this once, I feel like blaming God. It's okay what he did if it was my destiny. I am cool with it, in fact I am thrilled that I can go anywhere at any time and see everything. But I am so not okay with what he is doing to you.


Oh come on, you're not the sentimentalist, remember. You don't cry.


Damn it, stop with it right this moment. Or else . . . Please don't cry.


Why can't I hold you? It isn't fair that although we've always been there for each other, we've never held each other when the other needed it the most.


I love you, sis, I hope you know that even if you might never again hear me say it. Stop the waterworks . . . for me.


"I am sorry." The man came after her.


"Go away." She wiped at her tears. Damn him, she was crying and the least he could do was leave her alone.


"I am . . . sorry." The man fumbled.


"Dude, just get lost. The bracelet was bloody important to me. Your sorry won't bring it back. I'll regret meeting you all my life."


You use this phrase quite a lot these days, you know, a new favorite or what?


You know people say words once spoken can't be taken back, but one day, something tells me, you'll take these back, sis. I am a person who goes by gut, and my gut says he is here to stay. Look into his eyes, there's a reason you cannot meet them. There's a well of positive energy inside them. They're eyes that look at you and see right through and into you. A rare vision, this guy has. And don't I say it's the vision that matters. As a matter of fact I am always right, after all I am me.


"Wait right here, please." Then he was gone.


She couldn't say why she listened to him and waited, but she did. When he came back he had her bracelet in his hand.


"You're lucky. I found it stuck in a weed near the stairs." He handed it over to her.


"Thank you. It means a lot." She said.


"You've a nice voice when you aren't shouting." He smiled.


Since he'd brought her bracelet back to her, it wouldn't do to shout at him. Though, she was tempted to do so . . . real loud this time. She swallowed the urge and instead muttered a soft "Bye."


"May I at least know your name, Ma'am" he called out.


"No you may not." It was a little weird, but she felt a smile twitching.


"I am Gautam."


"Good bye, Gautam." Then, impulsively, she added, "The name's Kriti."


You told him your name? Wow! That's something. Fate does screw up with our brains, my dear sis, why else would you have told a stranger your name.


Tell you what, sis, there's a charm about him you won't be able to resist. And, by the way, God, I am sorry for earlier. What can I say I lose my mind temporarily on regular basis out of habit! I am not mad at you now. In fact, I like what you doing. Consider yourself hugged.


*My Bak Bak*

I am playing with the narrative a little here, peeps. The lines in the start of every chapter are words from the protagonist's journal, written in the past. Italics are the thoughts of a spirit, real or not, well, you judge. Perhaps I could have written the story another way, but though there are many ways, there's only one right way for every story.
Edited by DancinFireflies - 10 years ago
AthenaA thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
You make me go through all the emotions even if i read them for the nth time. What am I to do with you?
May be I know what am I to do...
.
.
.
.
.
.
 Consider yourself hugged!
Edited by AthenaA - 10 years ago
Chipmunks. thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Do you inspire to be a writer? If not am telling you that career would suit you. Simply Amazing.
DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Originally posted by: Chipmunks.

Do you inspire to be a writer? If not am telling you that career would suit you. Simply Amazing.

Thank you.๐Ÿ˜ณ Truly, thanks a lot. Your comment made my day :)๐Ÿ˜Š
DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Originally posted by: AthenaA

You make me go through all the emotions even if i read them for the nth time. What am I to do with you?

May be I know what am I to do...
.
.
.
.
.
.
 Consider yourself hugged!

Who says I'll let u hug me๐Ÿ˜ก
dqno1 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
You have a unique writing style.  Your words play hide and seek with me, revealing yet hiding.
 
Do continue soon. 
 
Thanks for the update.
Enchantress thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
This stirred no. of emotions within me.. Hurt, pain, joy and laughter... I genuinely loved it... As you said their are no. of ways of writing a story and I guess this was the best for this story. And, I am loving it.. continue soon,
Dee
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Posted: 10 years ago
Originally posted by: dqno1

You have a unique writing style.  Your words play hide and seek with me, revealing yet hiding.

 
Do continue soon. 
 
Thanks for the update.

Would it be weird if I say its the same with me? As in hide and seek part. Even as I write I conceal, from myself. I like to get to know my characters with the reader, layer by layer.๐Ÿ˜ณ Thnks for the comment๐Ÿ˜Š