I've been following this story, and I assume we are allowed to offer feedback.
Firstly I have had a girl in hospital and the last thing you do is look or think about an opportunity to knock her up. Not many people knock up a suicidal girl with needles coming out of her, not many people try to get physical with someone in hospital, unless you are playing dr/nurse. You obviously did have her in some sort of pit that the only hope was satisfying you. And then .. when she pushed you away you actually left her.
Without sounding rude, you might want to look into schizophrenia, the running away issues you were having and the planning and plotting apparently conducted by the girls family that asked you to come back might not have existed. Schizophrenia is no joke, but explains your running away, inability to take responsibility, delusions, grandeur thoughts about yourself, and your general rationalisation.