I'm petrified. I feel really guilty.
Basically what happened is this. I was running down the stairs all happy and all and then I was calling my mom down standing at the stairs halfway. Then guess what? 😠My heart starting pumping fast and I saw a HUGE SPIDER. I think it was a black widow. I looked at it kinda closely for 2 minutes and moved back as fast as I can and started shaking with fear. I ran down the stairs and told my brother.
He told me not to be so scared and do my work and ignore it. But still I can't go up the stairs I'm scared of the spider.
Spiders make me feel like they are going to kill me. 😳 I just start sweating, shaking and I go red after seeing them. My heart beats too fast. When I was a small child...about 5 years old...I was sitting on the floor watching TV with my family. I didn't have slippers on as I didn't think it would make a difference and I was comfortably sitting on my carpet.
I was so lost in the program that I didn't care about anything else. Then suddenly I felt a painful tingle kind of feeling like a sharp pinch on my foot. I looked down and screamed. I cried a lot that day as I was so small. My mom and sister killed the spider because it wasn't letting go of my skin. And guess what?! THAT WAS A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER TOO!!!!!!! 🤢 It was big and fat and scared the hell out of me. My skin was sore and really red after that and I did visit the doctors that day. :(
Then today where I was running...I was really close to the spider. If I had gone 5cm from where my foot was I would have stepped on it. :0 Thank God I didn't !!!!!! I warned my mom but she bravely came down the stairs lol and I felt like a idiot haha. But still I was shaking badly. I got goosebumps seeing the ugly fat thing. I hate spiders so much!!!!!!! 😡
After that my brother tried to kill it but it won't die so he told me to leave it alone. After a while I saw it was moving and I had no courage to walk up the stairs with it there. Then it took me 10 minutes to stare at it and to attempt to kill it. And damn after a lot of sweating and shaking and my brother's comments about my scared baby behaviour...I finally managed to kill it!!!!! ðŸ˜
I was relived it won't scare me again but then I feel really guilty and upset for what I did. I'm so sorry guys. I'm not a bad person it's just the circumstances made me do that. My brother, mother and all were saying no but still I convinced my bro as he was scared of seeing me like that and my mother wasn't bothered and told me to be brave. But how can I be brave when that sort of spider came about 10 years back and bit me?! 😡
It's that fear that made me do this today otherwise I would have opted for something else. That story came in my mind. :(
Of course I didn't want another bite on my foot. So I did what I could to save myself.
My sister and mother felt the same when I was 5 but they told us that they did it to resuce me and make sure it won't harm me anymore. So yeah my safety.
Today I thought about myself and others too because I warned everyone not to come bare feet or they are gone!
I need some advice. I can't sleep and feel sad thinking about it. Should I feel guilty or not?
I apologised to God but now I feel spiders are going to haunt me! I know I sound stupid but still that phobia!!!!!! 😳 I know this post is long but still I need advice!!!! Urgent!! :(
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