Marriage Wars: The Root Cause

Now a days, lots of mariages have so many problems that most eventually end up in divorce.
Two people, who have committed their lives to each other break up in an instant.
People can make a book of excuses on why a marriage would not work. But if we look closer, many people do not work to save their marriage because they just want the easy way out. What could be the cause of this? Have they fallen out of love? Or have they realized that they were not meant to be?
These marriages that get broken are often love marriages. So does that imply that the traditional style of arranged marriage is more effective?
What could be the solution to this? Start the trend of arranged marriages again? Or keep the trend of love marriages that 50% of the time end up in lots of trouble? Or combine these two trends into a love-arranged marriage?
What do you people feel about this? Do you agree with the statements above? What kind of marriage would work best?

Edited by mikey0487 - 17 years ago

I'm too young to be married, so I dont have much experience..still I think, that nowadays the couples are not ready to sacrifice and try and adjust. We grow up in a world, where we are taught to fight and grab, but in marriage we "have" to give up somethings or make some changes, when neither hubby nor wife is ready to make them...the marriage reaches the rocks...Earlier, atleast in India, women were naturally expected to be as forgiving and sacrificing...so there was not much of a problem..but now nothing of that sort happens..everyone is fighting for their rights...so 'sacrifice' is not a word in their dictionary..that is the root cause of marriage wars!

And nowadays we have the option of divorce, earlier we didnt have that option at all, so even if life was not so good, they 'had' to try and lead a happy life.

Luv-Marriage or Arranged? I dunno, let the experienced speak 😊 !

love marriage on rocks... one reason.. people might have fallen in love with the "Illusion of Love" and later... its turns out to be something else..i.e. expectations not met.

but i don't think so that love marriages are more prone to end up in divorce... if people kept their "Eyes open and be Realistic/Practical" when got married. and later worked on it... i mean... falling in love is easy but being consistent in love is difficult... but they can work very very well...and this also applies at arrange marriages

in traditional marriages family members put a whole lot of pressure to make up the marriage like "No matter wht happens...family ki nose na kut jaaye" 🤢 to hell with that family ki nose 😡 if 2 people aren't happy and have the option of divorce... why to keep themselves in a continuous torture???

Today's woman is independent... she wants to be EQUALLY treated... if compromise is demanded from only woman side... are these men made of steel that can't bend slightly!!!?? EGO hurts 🤢 but now its more of two-way-traffic... if men don't try to compromise and learn to work on marriage ..women don't have the "Tender/contract" of always doing "Compromises" to the extent of losing their own self-esteem and respect!

But this DOESN'T MEAN that women are only held responsible for broken marriage...if so.. then this is Gender Biasness 🤢 ... Men are EQUALLY responsible tooo.. so ask both the sides for accountability...

P.S.. sorry for the overdose of "🤢" in the post😆...just wasn't able to control it😛

Edited by MNMS - 17 years ago

This content was originally posted by: MNMS

love marriage on rocks... one reason.. people might have fallen in love with the "Illusion of Love" and later... its turns out to be something else..i.e. expectations not met.

but i don't think so that love marriages are more prone to end up in divorce... if people kept their "Eyes open and be Realistic/Practical" when got married. and later worked on it... i mean... falling in love is easy but being consistent in love is difficult... but they can work very very well...and this also applies at arrange marriages

in traditional marriages family members put a whole lot of pressure to make up the marriage like "No matter wht happens...family ki nose na kut jaaye" 🤢 to hell with that family ki nose 😡 if 2 people aren't happy and have the option of divorce... why to keep themselves in a continuous torture???

Today's woman is independent... she wants to be EQUALLY treated... if compromise is demanded from only woman side... are these men made of steel that can't bend slightly!!!?? EGO hurts 🤢 but now its more of two-way-traffic... if men don't try to compromise and learn to work on marriage ..women don't have the "Tender/contract" of always doing "Compromises" to the extent of losing their own self-esteem and respect!

But this DOESN'T MEAN that women are only held responsible for broken marriage...if so.. then this is Gender Biasness 🤢 ... Men are EQUALLY responsible tooo.. so ask both the sides for accountability...

P.S.. sorry for the overdose of "🤢" in the post😆...just wasn't able to control it😛

Maryam, i wish i could reach out of the computer and give u a hug! Its exactly what i wanted to say and u said it very well! 👏👏

[Quote=sneha3105]Maryam, i wish i could reach out of the computer and give u a hug! Its exactly what i wanted to say and u said it very well!
[/quote]

😳 😳 😳 u r cho chweet!

[quote=Iron]Marriage performed traditionally have been more successful as the family back grounds were checked.[/Quote]

even this can't be the criteria of the success of an arrange marriage.. at times even when family "Statistics" are checked still marriages don't work due to various other reasons.

its simple just EGO problem 🤢

I saw this movie yesterday. Anubhav- *ing Sanjeev Kumar, Tanuja by Basu Bhattacharya. One dialouge from movie-

Situation- Sanjeev Kumar and his friend were talking about other friend couple that was going to have divorce. Sanjeev said that these two people (couple) are very good individual, very mature, have similar frequency and they get along with all friends and relatives so well then how come they cannot get along with each other? and his friend says this --- "Zindagi ke har sambandh mein tarakki hoti hai. Bas ek pati patni ke sambandh hai jinhe 'taken for granted' samjh liya jaata hai. Unhein na toh badhane ke liye koshish hoti hai na toh tarakki ke liye."

so well said. No one tries to make their married life better and just take it for granted!!

Edited by sowmyaa - 17 years ago

Ei thanks so much for your replies!
Im new in this section so I didnt expect anyone to reply! 😳

Anyway, my views are that people now a days hate compromise and because of that, neither boy or girl can get a long after marriage. Both people should work together as a couple and meet in the middle, both need to compromise. The problem with love marriage is that things tend to change after marriage and what you think to be love may just have been a crush or something. Im not saying that all love marriages are bad but a lot of them end up. arranged marriage is also a no for me. I dont agree with the idea of marrying someone you dont know. This could cause a lot of problems after marriage too. The only solution to end all this is to combine both love and arrange marriages. Love someone and let the family know about it and let them arrange it. Then let the family, including you make the decision of whether the person is good or not. Or let the family find someone and you get to know the person and if you find that chemistry between you two, then it could be fine too. Let it be a family affair, not just your own.

Iron I agree with you that ego is one of many reason as well. And you are also right that all these relation are taken for granted. However all other relation like Maa, Baap, Bhai, Bahen, Beta, Beti if you look at them they are all "blood" relation. Only husband wife relation is the one that is so important, so close, so special and not blood related and this is the only relationship you get into adulthood. All other relationships you are born with when we are young and I think it is easy to accept and grow with relationship when you are young compared to when you meet someone and have to accept them as an adult. And I have seen very very few couple that really work to make their married life better than their present. I understand that each couple has different reason but I think this is also one of the major reason. Edited by sowmyaa - 17 years ago

This content was originally posted by: mikey0487

Ei thanks so much for your replies!
Im new in this section so I didnt expect anyone to reply! 😳

Hey Mikey..welcome to the section! I hope you enjoy debating and discussing with us. I liked this topic. Welcome aboard! 😊