Deleted.

Edited by .Rhapsody. - 9 years ago

RESERVED.
















Edited by ARandKJFan - 9 years ago

Originally posted by: ARandKJFan

RESERVED.

Chilling. That's what I thought when I read this...gosh. She killed her sister...and paid the price. Whoa. I loved reading this, I read it thrice over.

Originally posted by: bookworm-ALS--

Chilling. That's what I thought when I read this...gosh. She killed her sister...and paid the price. Whoa. I loved reading this, I read it thrice over.

Fab writing👏

God u r just fab!!!!!! 👏
I wud say it again neverytym dt YOU ARE A FANTASTIC WRITER! =D
my mood was bit lower than usual.. bt suddenly it went all gud wen I read dis.
And yea death & karma. Good topic siso 🤗
D girl's pov was described too amazingly, deeply n beautifully. Abt hr sis... dt reminds me mine. Well d bond between sisters is like u cant stay away frm each othr. No worry hw much u fyt. At d end of d day u vil end hugging each othr. N here d poor girl was left alone by her sister. Bt.. at d end der was a sudden twist wer hr sistet kills her. Dat was quite unexpected.
Bt as dey unexpected endings are d best ones... this one was sumthng lyk dt.
Thanx 4 d pm.i really enjoyed readin dis. Hope to see sum mre wrks frm u.
Tc :)

Originally posted by: PrOjeCtA

God u r just fab!!!!!! 👏
I wud say it again neverytym dt YOU ARE A FANTASTIC WRITER! =D
my mood was bit lower than usual.. bt suddenly it went all gud wen I read dis.
And yea death & karma. Good topic siso 🤗
D girl's pov was described too amazingly, deeply n beautifully. Abt hr sis... dt reminds me mine. Well d bond between sisters is like u cant stay away frm each othr. No worry hw much u fyt. At d end of d day u vil end hugging each othr. N here d poor girl was left alone by her sister. Bt.. at d end der was a sudden twist wer hr sistet kills her. Dat was quite unexpected.
Bt as dey unexpected endings are d best ones... this one was sumthng lyk dt.
Thanx 4 d pm.i really enjoyed readin dis. Hope to see sum mre wrks frm u.
Tc :)

Originally posted by: ARandKJFan

RESERVED.

UNRES.

It was confusing the first time, I'll admit. Only when I read it the second time could I understand the character.

After two reads, I concluded the following.

1) Her sister was murdered by her.

2) She didn't want to accept that she murdered her, or rather, her mind didn't. Hence, it formed a cloud in her brain that it was indeed suicide. I guess it was to cover up for the guilt that she had a walk on the parapet. Well, that's my perception.

The writers who confuse me are often brilliant, because I don't get confused easily, not even for a moment. For just a moment there, I was confused. In the end, I mean. I consider it a virtue.

That was the character, now to the story.

It's written precisely, as always. The beauty in your works (most of them) is that you don't use dialogues but convey everything, for lack of a better word, wordlessly. The character seems so sane, so even minded, but yet, to be normal, a little insanity is required. I realized that the second time around. 

Irony was used in the correct sense, thankfully, but then, I wouldn't expect anything less than perfection from you.

deep, dark sea of despair and loneliness that I was swimming in confusedly. So confusedly, I didn't know whether I wanted to come out of it or drown in it.

^First sign that she was partly unstable. But even before that, these lines attracted me, somehow. 

I loved how you've described her steps and the second irony was beautiful. There was a hidden meaning behind it to. She believed her sister would be there and want to believe her sister. But then, she's the one who strengthened her sister's words, by killing her.

And then, the hallucination. She was scared, not of the parapet but of death. She didn't like death. How else could you explain hallucinating about a sister you killed? 

Right from the hallucination, to the end. It was genius, nothing short of it. I have a theory about this stuff, if you care to read. 😆

We only realize the value of anything when we don't have it, right? Same goes with her (somewhat). When she lost her sister, she felt like she lost someone precious, but only when she thought she came back did she realize that the void was because there was no one to hate. People who we hate have a huge impact on our lives, though we might not accept it. 

Just before she died, she hated her. The smile she imagined was a sinister one. Small details like these are what make you who you are Katniss.

Dawn had broken. And so had a skull.

^I loved this. <3 I don't know why, I just did. Some things just don't have a reason.

The rest of it revealing the psychology of her mind. She didn't want to go through the same thing her sister did, hence, the only way for her mind to do something about it was to make her feel less guilty, and make her the victim. The human brain, it works in different ways.

Suicide and Murder. So similar, yet so different. You give someone your heart, and share everything with them, so much so that they become a part of you, and then they go on to kill you. Isn't this a form of suicide? Because, they are now so involved, that they are killing a part of themselves.

And the final apparition left me freaked. I get freaked easily. I just had one thing to say. 'Karma's a bitch'. That dialogue(sorta) left me wondering. Were those her last words?

All I can say is, this was brilliant. New genre, yet it was so smooth. I absolutely loved it. At first, I was confused, and I was about to criticize that, but after a second and while commenting, a third read, I concluded that it was genius OS. Well, not all geniuses are discovered instantly, eh?

Also, I have no idea what I typed. Sorry if it did not make sense. 😆

-Rue

 

Okay now for my comment.

Originally posted by: ARandKJFan

RESERVED.

UNRES. Yayiiee! *dances*

It was confusing the first time, I'll admit. Only when I read it the second time could I understand the character. Oh, don't worry. I get confused too. In fact, quite a few people got confused with the first reading. Toh it's all okay.

After two reads, I concluded the following.

1) Her sister was murdered by her.

2) She didn't want to accept that she murdered her, or rather, her mind didn't. Hence, it formed a cloud in her brain that it was indeed suicide. I guess it was to cover up for the guilt that she had a walk on the parapet. Well, that's my perception. << Bingo!!

The writers who confuse me are often brilliant, because I don't get confused easily, not even for a moment. For just a moment there, I was confused. In the end, I mean. I consider it a virtue. Aah, I believe this is a compliment. :3 Thank you! <3

That was the character, now to the story.

It's written precisely, as always. The beauty in your works (most of them) is that you don't use dialogues but convey everything, for lack of a better word, wordlessly. The character seems so sane, so even minded, but yet, to be normal, a little insanity is required. I realized that the second time around. @Purple: Someone told me once I'm better without dialogues. And... now that you said the same... I just miss her all over again. You know who I mean. :/

Irony was used in the correct sense, thankfully, but then, I wouldn't expect anything less than perfection from you. Aha! Thank you! ;) Yes. Yes, you can count on me to get a few basic details right. 

deep, dark sea of despair and loneliness that I was swimming in confusedly. So confusedly, I didn't know whether I wanted to come out of it or drown in it.

^First sign that she was partly unstable. But even before that, these lines attracted me, somehow.  :*

I loved how you've described her steps and the second irony was beautiful. There was a hidden meaning behind it to. She believed her sister would be there and want to believe her sister. But then, she's the one who strengthened her sister's words, by killing her. 

And then, the hallucination. She was scared, not of the parapet but of death. She didn't like death. How else could you explain hallucinating about a sister you killed? Thank you!! But yes, this one took a whole load of work. So much of planning. So much of working the kinks out. I'm relieved it turned out the way it did.

Right from the hallucination, to the end. It was genius, nothing short of it. I have a theory about this stuff, if you care to read. 😆 Of course, I do! :O

We only realize the value of anything when we don't have it, right? Same goes with her (somewhat). When she lost her sister, she felt like she lost someone precious, but only when she thought she came back did she realize that the void was because there was no one to hate. People who we hate have a huge impact on our lives, though we might not accept it. 

Just before she died, she hated her. The smile she imagined was a sinister one. Small details like these are what make you who you are Katniss. Brilliant analysis, Kid! 

I didn't have a proper reason for making her hate her sister, so much as to push her to her death. I saw her misery and monologue about being in depression as overtly a way to assuage her guilt, and covertly a way to cover up the fact that she did the deed. She was a scheming bitch behind her facade. 

Dawn had broken. And so had a skull.

^I loved this. <3 I don't know why, I just did. Some things just don't have a reason. IKR?! I loved those lines too. *hi-5s*

The rest of it revealing the psychology of her mind. She didn't want to go through the same thing her sister did, hence, the only way for her mind to do something about it was to make her feel less guilty, and make her the victim. The human brain, it works in different ways. Like I said, I see less of guilt in this and more of a making of a master-planner and cunning schemer.

But. BUT. This is the beauty of writing, y'see? one is free to come to whatever conclusion they want to.

While my thinking makes her an out-and-out bitch. Your reasoning makes her seem a little less hateful.

Kudos for the reasoning! <3

Suicide and Murder. So similar, yet so different. You give someone your heart, and share everything with them, so much so that they become a part of you, and then they go on to kill you. Isn't this a form of suicide? Because, they are now so involved, that they are killing a part of themselves. Ohh, BINGO!! You worded that beautifully!

And the final apparition left me freaked. I get freaked easily. I just had one thing to say. 'Karma's a bitch'. That dialogue(sorta) left me wondering. Were those her last words? This was the last thought the apparition had before it faded away. It hints at something deeper and more sinister in their relationship that was, is what I felt, when I wrote those words.

All I can say is, this was brilliant. New genre, yet it was so smooth. I absolutely loved it. At first, I was confused, and I was about to criticize that, but after a second and while commenting, a third read, I concluded that it was genius OS. Well, not all geniuses are discovered instantly, eh? Arigatou! <3 Yees, I'll ignore the fact that you thought this worth criticizing at first. ;)

Kidding. :P I loved your comment, Kid! Thank you for taking so many pains for me. ^_^

Also, I have no idea what I typed. Sorry if it did not make sense. 😆 Oh it made a lot of sense. :)

-Rue 🤗