Improper upbringing responsible for the development of a Rapist-mind? - Page 4

Posted: 9 years ago
Originally posted by souro


@KA: I think you're looking at one aspect in isolation instead of considering the big picture.
Taken in isolation, what exactly is the impact of a mother commenting on how bad short skirt (or the wearer) is, is debatable. However, in reality, it doesn't stop with that one comment, there are various other factors that build up and might condition someone to think that there are certain 'types' of girls with whom forcible sex is acceptable.

Take for example, the son hears her mother commenting on how bad girls wearing short skirts are. Then there is a rape and he hears the society in general comment about how the girl was 'asking for it' with her choice of clothes. He reads about politicians berating girls wearing short skirts. He watches on news some Ram Sena or XYZ sena attacking and molesting girls in a pub/ disco for wearing short skirts and being in a supposedly immoral place. All this builds up and shapes the son's thought that yes, molesting or forcibly having sex with these 'type' of girls is acceptable as they are anyways asking for it. So, it's not just the comment of his own mother (which is just one brick in the whole structure), but the comments and actions of the society in general that influences him. And the society is ultimately just a group of several such mothers and fathers, and they are shaping his thought process.


Exactly my point...

A mother commenting was just an example given by me.Even wrong attitude of Father towards mother or other women or the people he mixes with...everything plays a key role in shaping up his mind and thoughts and at the end of the day his thoughts make him act accordingly...
Posted: 9 years ago
Family culture and upbringing is what determines how a person will react to the society around him.Improper upbringing or wrong attitudes that he is subjected to will only make him prone to wrong influences..
Posted: 9 years ago
Alcoholism is a often found to have a close relation with violence , wife beating, and rape.
Does it or does it not contribute in anyway towards such crimes.
Does that make alcoholism a bad culture or good culture?
Should proper upbringing of a child include discouraging alcoholism or should it be considered trendy and encouraged by parents?
Posted: 9 years ago
Originally posted by zorrro


Alcoholism is a often found to have a close relation with violence , wife beating, and rape.
Does it or does it not contribute in anyway towards such crimes.
Does that make alcoholism a bad culture or good culture?
Should proper upbringing of a child include discouraging alcoholism or should it be considered trendy and encouraged by parents?
Care to explain a bit more? I am not sure I understood what you were trying to say. Cos as far as I know, nowhere is alcoholism considered as a good culture.

Drinking sometimes is fine, as long as one remains within his/her tolerance limit. But I don't think anyone appreciates excessive drinking and becoming an alcoholic. So obviously, good parenting will include discouraging children from underage alcohol consumption and to make them aware of the negatives of drinking alocohol. Hardly any parent will want their kid to become a drunkard slob, dying of cirrhosis at an young age.

And this is true for anything that can have a negative effect, not just alcohol and not just when it is related to rape. Parents warn their kids about smoking, drugs, rash driving and so many things.
Edited by souro - 9 years ago
Posted: 9 years ago
Souro, yes I get your point and my views are basically similar to yours. As I said its complicated question and many factors are involved. My view is that upbringing (in form of what ann described i.e. mother having a view on skirts) is a non-important factor. In my view better example would be
 
 
- a boy brought up in an environment where father lets his son loose in name of having fun.
 
Before people start accusing me of moral policing let me say I am an example myself. Obviously my family does not mind girls which we are not concerned with wearing skirts and all that. However I have to be honest and if it is about own family or girls coming into our family then yes they will object to that. In our environment i.e. back home if a girl is seen in short skirts its a no no.Now this is not true for us but almost every family that I have seen over the years back home.
 
None of those boys have turned into a woman beater, abusers let alone rapist. Why is that the case? Are we from different planet? The answer is not that we are special but this is not a factor.
 
As I said one who turns into a rapist has first to do with own mental and physical state. Such a person is frustated. He sees a girl in short skirt and his frustation increases. I mean these people dont leave kids, elders why are we mentioning skirts? This is 90% of the problem.
 
Having said that, there is definitely a situation where they see a girl in short skirt and they think okay she is loose so lets try and if it does not work they rape her. In this scenario society, movies, media, western culture, alcohol influence, bad influence of friends are much much more important. A mother's view is in context of good moral values (in her opinion) and that cannot go with an imoral act as it is contrary to her point.
 
In conclusion I am sure upbrining is a contributing factor in many ways. However the connection with short skirts is more to do with other factors and not because family objects to it. That is just stretching a point where it does not need to go.
Edited by Forever-KA - 9 years ago
Posted: 9 years ago
Now I am not absolving our society of any crime against women. My point is for one specific situation.
 
There are other problems in our society and check my posts in trivia topic where I have spoken against it in last few weeks. Those problems are equally bad. In name of moral policing women are being killed, in name of honor women are being killed. She is not able to give birth, they shaved her head. They are abused, they are put in stress, they are taunted if they act independent. Few have been killed for marrying a person which family did not approve. And then there are cases of rape as well.
 
All those ills are there in our society. A so called society which minds girls wearing short skirts.
 
So do not think that I am comparing cultures, countries, religions etc here. The abuse of women is much much bigger issue and is very much there and each day there are news stories.
 
Here I spoke in one context only. So keep that in mind. lol
Edited by Forever-KA - 9 years ago
Posted: 9 years ago

@Zorro -  I don't understand the link. What does alcoholism have to do with this topic?

 

@KA - You keep misunderstanding the contexts. I think you are being myopic. Souro explained it well I think. Let me try again.

 

Upbringing is just a brick in the wall. Many factors cause rape culture. But upbringing is extremely vital. Upbringing may determine if someone succumbs to other factors of rape culture.

 

The issue of short skirts is also just one factor. It was used as an example. There are several small factors where parents and family may mistakenly perpetuate misconceptions.

 

No one is blaming parents. No one is stating that all men or women from conservative backgrounds will turn into rapists or even perpetuate rape culture. No in is saying anyone does it willfully.

 

Every brick in the wall is important. Small shifts in upbringing and parenting can make a difference. People need to make a conscientious effort to ensure that their personal values about how women should behave do not create misunderstandings

Posted: 9 years ago
0%: I already said many times that my point is about one specific situation i.e. mother's view on girls wearing a certain type of dress. I give it 0% in terms of someone turning into rapist.
 
5%: Upbringing can actively or passively encourage in other ways. I don't think active encouragement exists much. It would be an environment where parents say okay son go and enjoy and do what you want. Passive would be lack of reprimand, ignoring wrong doings and lack of education and teaching of kids in terms of women's respect. In context of development of rapist I would give it 5%
 
10%: Bad influence of friends, movies, society view of girls, drugs, alcohol.
 
85%: A person's own physical and mental condition.
 
I believe rapists are those who lack self control and are susceptible to external influence. They are frustated and looking to vent their frustation. The trigger factors are usually short term like alcohol, seeing someone in scanty dress. Once that threshold is achieved the least of their worries is what mama said about girls. They can act on anyone.
 
*Above is more true for "frustated type" rapists.
 
So yes I know I was being myopic as I felt that specific situation is irrelevant. Overall to me role of upbrining is not that much important either. That is my view. I can be wrong.
Edited by Forever-KA - 9 years ago
Posted: 9 years ago
Ka, do u have  any statistical  data to support that percentage  chart u proposed up here?
Posted: 9 years ago

I cannot claim any statistics on what causes rape, because I think it is impossible to determine what percentage of human behavior is nature and what percentage is nurture. I also think it varies by person to person. Some people are very malleable to social influences while others are immune.

 

I do think we do tend to underestimate the influences that contribute to rape. I believe studies have shown that sexual awareness instilled by parents and sex education on a public platform have reduced many sex based issues from harassment/rape to teenage pregnancy and STDs.

 

How a mother talks about "short skirts" is definitely a factor to a person's sexual attitude towards women. Again I reiterate a factor' and not a cause' of rape or harassment.

 

That being said, whether such issues are factors or not, why object to education and awareness?  No one is denying a person's right to moral values. All that is being done is framing moral values in a way so that they don't demean women who don't conform to them. If it is a factor, we are minimizing risks in society. If it is not a factor, one more source of education and awareness can't cause any further harm.

 

I also have a problem with frustration' being isolated as a cause for rape. I would definitely accept that it is a factor. It may be overestimated though. Many men and women do experience sexual frustration' due to various reasons lack of sexual activity, performance issues, poor relationships. Not everyone rapes though. Most people will masturbate, use a hookup site, seek counseling, medication or something to channel the frustration.

 

I think frustration again ties in with upbringing and social influences.

 

A man could think - she is wearing short clothes and titillating me. She is leading me on and not putting out. She is teasing me and she is the cause of my frustration. She owes/wants me, and I'm going to get it. I'm going to make her pay for being a cock tease.

 

Or

 

A  man could think - Maybe I'll just jack off to a dirty movie and get some release. Maybe I should talk to her and figure her out. Maybe I need professional help. Maybe I'll go out with friends for drinks to distract myself.

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