Twenty Four
'Father am I crazy?' Zoya asked with moistened eyes 'No child, why do you say that?' 'Because I am trying to find something that doesn't exist anymore, my heart still searches and aches for him...I don't understand why?' Father Andrew placed his hand over her head 'there is no real understanding to what the heart feels, there is no logic and no depth that it can be measured against, your heart yearns to be with the one you lost so long ago, that does not mean you are crazy it just means that today your love is still as strong'
Zoya stood up and turned towards the statue of Christ 'when I couldn't see...I still could, when it came to him I didn't need to have this light, my heart told me and I believed...but now when I get this feeling I look around and all I am faced with is darkness...it scares me Father'
'Angel, you are a child of God, if he gave you sight he also gave you a reason to live...He only tests you as much as you can endure...if there was such thing as magic, I would pull him out for you but unfortunately I can't, He works in mysterious ways and it is only He can guide us' Zoya gave Father Andrew a faint smile 'Father please pray for me, It has taken me a long time to come this far, the fight that I have with myself every morning is wearing me down. As much as I have lost I have also found, Zack, his parents, you, my music...' 'Angel...why do you sing?' Zoya looked at Father Andrew 'why do you ask?' 'Other than the fact that you have a beautiful voice...why do you sing?' 'Because it connects me to him, it's what brought us together, just like the snow...every time it snows here I find myself dancing, it's like I can feel him like he is right next to me'.
'Your love for him is eternal, and you should hold on to that...you have never told anyone about him, never spoken about him to anyone but me...your trust in me and God is greater...hold on to that too, when you sing let your words bring him to life and he forever will be with you'.
Zoya hugged Father Andrew 'thank you so much Father, you are the best' Father Andrew started to laugh 'ok...come on let's get going I don't want the children to start running wild'.
Zoya walked back inside to find everyone sitting in the living room. As she walked further in her eyes searched the room for him, she didn't know why but she felt like she needed to see him to make sure he was ok.
'Angel, you are finally home...how was your bacha party?' 'They are good, still crazy as ever...what are you all up to?' Zack shuffled along the sofa 'sit, we were just going over plans for Ammi and dad's wedding anniversary...its also Leo's birthday'.
Zoya sucked in a breath upon hearing his name 'h...how is he?' she asked looking towards Dilshad 'he is a lot better; he has gone out for a walk'. Zoya let them continue talking about the party; she put down her bag and excused herself.
She walked around the garden and then out towards the field that joined on to the back in search for him. She was just about to turn back when she stopped, she placed her hand on her heart and closed her eyes why do you keep doing this...please stop' she whispered as she opened her eyes she saw a tall figure walking across the field, it was Asad.
As quickly as her eyes followed him her heart followed pursuit, she stood there contemplating whether she should go up to him. The conversations her heart and mind were having was causing her nothing but anxiety 'he is your boss...well kind of and Zack's best friend...just walk up to him...come on Zoya move' she said to herself. Not being able to think straight any longer Zoya chose to vote with her feet, which took her straight to him.
Asad walked around lost in thought, he hadn't seen her walk towards him. 'Leo...wait' he heard a soft voice call out to him. Asad turned around and stood still seeing her come closer. Zoya stood a few feet away from him; they both looked into one another's eyes and seemed to have lost themselves instantly.
Zoya's breath started to hitch; she felt that dull pain again a pang in the pit of her stomach that refused to go away. 'How are you feeling...are you ok?' Asad didn't hear a word she said as his whole focus remained on her eyes, they drew him in, captivated him. He felt his insides turn, the more he bore deeper the more he felt like they were his, like they were a part of him.
'Leo' she called out again 'are you ok?' Asad snapped out of his trance on hearing her voice, he quickly shook his head to bring himself back to the present.
Asad gave her a faint smile and nodded 'you can talk right...I mean since I met you I haven't actually heard you speak' she tried to joke in her increasing nervous state. Asad was about to reply when they both turned around. Zack and Dilshad were walking towards them hey there you are...hope you two are getting acquainted seeing you will be working together'.
Zack went to stand by Zoya's side and Dilshad by Asad's 'Beta why don't you come back inside, you have been out all morning' 'Yes, you too Angel, Ammi wants to go over a few details with you, when will your friends be joining us?' 'Well if the party is next weekend then I guess they will be here a few days before, I will ask them to come by Thursday' 'cool, that gives us 4 days to sort everything out...and Leo you too, we will be celebrating your birthday too' not letting Asad answer Zack grabbed on to Zoya's arm and led her back inside 'Ammi, I really don't want to celebrate my birthday please'.
As soon as those words escaped his mouth and reached her ears Zoya stopped and turned around making Zack stumble. Zoya looked at Asad wide eyes, she held on to her breath as she waited for him to speak again 'Angel, what happened, why did you stop?' Zoya didn't reply as she couldn't take her eyes off him. Zack placed his hand on her shoulder, when he turned her around he saw her eyes brim with unshed tears 'Angel what happened, why are you crying?' he asked with concern.
Zoya looked back towards Asad and Dilshad who were now walking away from them, she closed her eyes and let the tears escape. Zack cupped her face 'Angel please...please tell me' Zoya pulled down his hands, she shook her head and ran off back towards the house.
Asad walked in on Zack talking to his mum looking rather upset. Zack, you ok man?' Yeah, I'm fine...its Angel' what about her?' I don't know she was crying, on our way back from the field she just froze and then started crying...I have tried talking to her but she won't tell me what is wrong, she won't even talk to Ammi' Asad placed his hand on his shoulder reassuringly do you mind if I talk to her?' Asad and Zack turned around to see Dilshad Ammi...if she has not opened up to the people she lives with, the person she is going to marry why would she talk to a total stranger?' Leo, sometimes it is easier to talk to someone you have no connection with...i can at least try' Zack walked up to Dilshad that would be great...if you can get her to open up to you that's all I need...I can't tell you how upsetting it is to see her like this, I feel so helpless' Dilshad cupped the side of his face don't worry Zack, let me talk to her...a little later perhaps once she has had time to calm down and relax'
When Zoya didn't come down for dinner Dilshad thought it would be a good idea to talk to her, she knocked on her door and waited for her open the door.
Zoya was pleasantly surprised to see Dilshad Aunty, please come in' Dilshad went and sat down you didn't want to eat?' Zoya sat down next to her I want really hungry, maybe later'.
Dilshad took Zoya's hand into hers beta can I ask you something?' Sure Aunty, you don't need permission' Dilshad smiled at her Beta, what happened...' Zoya didn't let Dilshad finish Aunty Zack has a habit of over exaggerating I am fine'.
Dilshad shook her head maybe, but I am not talking about what happened outside a few hours ago...what happened that causes you so much pain, that even today when the thought crosses your mind you freeze, you may not say anything Angel but your eyes express more than you probably want them too. I am a mother of a son who has suffered greatly so I am not unaware of the emotions you try to hide...please tell me beta, what happened to you?'
Zoya looked at Dilshad not being able to say a word, he mind started to go into frenzy as did her heart. Zoya stood up and slowly turned away from Dilshad 'Aunty...nothing...I am ok, there is nothing to tell'
Dilshad went and stood in front of her 'I only know what Asma and Zack told me, how they found you how they were able to nurse you back to health...but you never spoke to them either, Angel is it not better to share your pain than to suffer alone?'
Zoya took in a deep breath as she tried to calm down her emotions 'Aunty please...why talk about something that cannot be changed' 'true the past cannot be changed but if it is something that is impacting on your present and future so much then is it not worth letting out of your system' Zoya started to shake her head vigorously 'no...never...I cannot let him go, he is embedded in every part of me, he is not only a part of my past life he is the reason I live today, his memories his love, he is lives in my soul I can never let go of him'
Dilshad looked at Zoya wide eyed 'Angel...you loved...what happened?' Zoya wiped her tears 'Aunty please...to this day I have never spoken of him and it is not something I want to talk about especially to Zack and our parents...' 'Angel, you are marrying Zack, but you don't love him?' Dilshad felt her heart constrict as she asked her the question 'No aunty I do not, and Zack is aware, we may never have openly discussed anything...I guess we felt there was no need to, Zack, Ammi and dad saved my life, they brought back the light I had let go of, I had no reason to live Aunty but they made me see that I did, even though that reason is no longer here with me I live for him only'
Dilshad still found it hard to understand 'Angel, why are you marrying him...how will you ever be happy?' 'I am happy Aunty, I will be living with my family, a family that Allah blessed me with, I am marrying my best friend, who I love very much, maybe not in the way that a wife should her husband...Aunty we both know what we are doing, yes it is a compromise but for me it is being able to return and give something back to the people who saved me...I couldn't say no to Ammi, how could I? Anyone else in my position would have done the same'
Dishad cupped Zoya's face and kissed her forehead 'I wish the world was full of more people like you Angel, someone so selfless, so loving...you are giving up your happiness for the happiness of your parents' 'no Aunty I am happy...my insides may cry, my heart may ache my mind may never forget but life goes on, and with everything else I have learnt how to compromise with life too...'
Dilshad let out a sigh 'I don't know who he was and why he was taken away from you Angel, but I pray that Allah gives you every happiness, every success and above all the will power to face whatever life continues to throw at you, as much as Allah has tested you Angel he will make it easy for you too'.
Edited by Saima-Syed - 9 years ago
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