::+ The Question Of Acceptance +::

Posted: 8 years ago

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In Asian cultures, when you utter the word
 divorce, the reaction you receive is quite appalling. The outrageous response makes us question whether or not we're living in the 21st century. 

Divorce has been seen as a taboo/forbidden topic that has no room in our culture. If a person is divorced, then of course something must be wrong with them. 

Besides, how can things go so wrong in such a perfect world, right? There must not be any problems, it must have been just a moment of madness. Woke up one day and said "hey love of my life let's divorce."

Why is it that we don't see the need to know the details behind the decision? Or is it that we just don't have the courage to face the facts. Are we just hoping for things to never breakdown or fall apart so much that when it does we deny it? Let's face it, people don't just get divorce at a drop of a hat (well maybe some do but we're not talking about those people here).

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Just because a person - male or female - is divorced that doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. No! Do we know what went wrong in their marriage? Do we even KNOW them? Do we know their circumstances? If the answer is no to all the questions, then you have no right to outcast a person based on their marital status. Even if you knew some answers, the thing is if you're not living it you don't really know anything. 

There are so many repercussions of this kind of attitude that we can't even begin to understand it. Short of either party spilling their deepest feelings to you and giving you every detail, anything you think you know is just an assumption made based on bits and pieces. So why do we immediately jump in and say it can't happen?


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The stress of divorce affects psychological, emotional, and physical health and to add society's acceptance of that decision to the mix it takes a greater toll on the person. It is not a sin or a crime to get divorced. If a person is not happy in their marriage, they have every right to take themselves out of that unhappy situation. And if the divorce is the key, then more power to them!

Getting a divorce is not the end of the world! If you're divorced, no one can decide for you whether or not, you "fit" into the society. It's like they say, "society is rarely an excellent judge of character." And there will always be some people that will criticize regardless of your actions.


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credits

.nerfherder | Zilch. | Leprechaun. 
unitatoxo. | -Trishh- | debasree04
18shabbo | xbeyondwords | .iridescence

Posted: 8 years ago



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To an outsider, what seems a trivial issue may very well be the foundation of a marriage breaking apart. For a culture who prides itself in continuous development of forward planning, we are rather quick in passing a judgement. Lot of us don't see the need or want to dig deeper into the issue (and we don't mean this in a nosy manner) and find out the details. 

Divorce has become increasingly popular in recent years due to varied reasons. Why relationships are falling apart? Is it the lack of understanding between the couple or just basic incompatibility? Is it that two people don't try hard enough to make the marriage work? Or is it the unfaithfulness of your partner? 

If the reason makes you unhappy,
it's just as good as any other. 

Compatibility and mutual understanding comes under two the major problems in between couples. In Asian culture, a family is a big part of a marriage. It's more of a marriage between two families, rather than two people. So when things get rough between a couple, the families are more likely to get involved which often makes things worse.

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Conventional Saas-Bahu conflict is still the reason of divorce especially when the women are empowered & independent. Sometimes over interference of in-laws leads the men to break up. The demands of dowry also leads to walking out of a marriage. If the person you were marrying, was marrying you because of what you could give him, then let's not even enter the marriage at all. There are also other reasons such as professional rivalry and unequal monetary status that leads to arguments, conflicts and eventually a divorce.  

We have come a long way from a woman having to kill herself because her husband died but we're not quite there yet.  The myth that "marriages are forever" still has a powerful impact on Asian society. Cultural & Religious values often dictate the rules of the game named 'Marriage'. Dignity & Family Prestige are other factors. There is no concept of divorce in Hindu or Sikh religions. According to these religions, once a couple gets married only death can separate them apart.

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Asian men and women are learned to give more importance to relationships. They are rather forced to continue with their broken marriage for the sake of religion, society, peer pressure, kids, money etc. Their world comes down crashing at the moment of separation even if they are financially independent or have complete family support. They just can't come out from the conventional mindset of marriage. 

Asian community is quite reluctant in the acceptance of a divorced person. Divorce may not be the solution for everyone. But it can relieve the individuals from the suffocation as there is no meaning to suffer unnecessarily while we have a choice. 

And choice, my friend, is not be taken for granted. 

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Edited by debasree04 - 8 years ago
Posted: 8 years ago
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"Divorcee- The term is tossed around so loosely these days that sometimes I even wonder if the very meaning of the word still maintains any worth
I sit at the same place everyday over-analyzing each and every situation in my life that I have been through since the day I got divorced and discovering that I am being bullied. 


I am being bullied by the humanity. 

All my life, specifically as a person from Asian culture, I have been taught that marriage is sacred. It doesn't really matter if it is abusive, harmful or forced. It is sacred and not meant to be broken. Second to the sacredness of marriage comes the matter of respect. I have realized that having a healthy relationship with your partner is not necessary in the world I live, what's more important is maintaining a healthy image about your marriage in front of the society. Maybe this is why the wife who covers her bruises with make up is so highly respected, or the husband who pretends to love his wife in front of people is still on a pedestal. and I?

  I was declared dead socially the day I got divorced.

Today as I sit here, I realize how wrong I was to think that this affliction is a result of my mistake. I realize that the affliction seems to be inevitable because the society seems to progress in every aspect but in the matter of acceptance. I realize that the only reason I am looked down at by the society is because in the matter of acceptance, we still rub sticks together. 

My marriage was a fail and I feel no sense of shame is accepting that. I have beenisolated by the society, the burden of being a single parent stresses me and myfamily refuses to financially help me. When I need the support to build myself uponce again, I have been put in a downward complicated spiral by the society.

 I do feel a sense of shame in accepting that."

                                                                                - A divorcee

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Posted: 8 years ago
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It's not about the people around you. It's not about the society or culture in which you live. It's not even about your subconscious that recalls everyone else's views and thoughts propelling you to doubt what you really want. 

It's about you. Your spouse. And the amount of unhappiness being together brings.

So why stay in a relationship that causes more misery than meaningful? Why be involved in something that's more like a chore than pleasant companionship? Remember, we're talking about relationships that have been tried, tested, and have proven to be utter disasters. And yet, divorce is still taboo, still a no-no, still something seen as shameful and a representation of failure. Heaven forbid you want to find happiness before you lose yourself to pain, hurt, and suffering.

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Why?


It comes back to the people. No, not you and your spouse. But those around you. When two people marry, they take vows and make promises to each other. You know the whole to love and to cherish, to have and to hold till death do us part and so on. It's a promise that need not be witnessed. The mere mention of marriage brings that promise and bond with it. It's just a given. So, when two people decide to break that relationship, as far as everyone else is concerned, those promises and vows are also broken and become meaningless. 

A union of two divided. 

There starts the speculation. Because, who doesn't wonder about how two people who promised to love each other, don't anymore? 


Maybe we're all just believing in fairytales a little too much?There isn't always a straight and narrow path to the happily ever after. Nope. There are often bumps and swerves and pit holes and ditches before we can get close to there. And sometimes, you just need a new path to get there.

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Divorce is a choice.
 A choice to take something that's turned sour and find something sweeter. It's about being yourself and being happy. It's about new beginnings and new journeys. It's about your life.


Society should have no role in this decision about your life. They don't know what you live, how you feel, what you need, or anything about what you want. 

People should learn to respect and support decisions to divorce. No marriage is true marriage unless two people are fully committed to each other. And if they aren't, they should be able to get out of that marriage. 


There is beauty to every person's life, and that beauty comes from having the life that's desired. From being content and satisfied with how that life is lived. 

Everyone should be allowed to go after what makes them happy. If that means divorce, do it. If that means, finding love again or remarriage, go for it. No one has the right to deny you that, even if it takes two negatives to make a positive. 

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We 'Crazy Creatives' sign off with a hope 
that from now on people will have a different sight to look at divorces. 
They are very much humans like us who just deserve a second chance in life. 

Not everyone is successful at first go.

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Edited by .iridescence. - 8 years ago
Posted: 8 years ago
Bang on thread! The topic is so relevant in today's world.. Liked the second post specially. The points you told there as reasons of divorce are so true. Its hard to digest but there's no credit in living with a fairytale concept! Infidelity and in-laws' interference are two of the biggest reasons of divorce in india. One thing you must have mentioned...its about the kids of divorcees. they suffer like hell coz of society's taboo, in school, college people keep asking them about parents, why they're not together etc just to make then uncomfortable sometimes.. It smears their minds with hatred for parents. By the time, they get really screwed up! :( If they were handled properly scenario could have changed. But thanks to our insensible society and their habit of poking nose!! -_- Great work guys.
Posted: 8 years ago
Thank u CC team for raising this topic & explaining in such a classy manner.👏
Posted: 8 years ago
I love this thread. <3
Great job team!
Posted: 8 years ago
^ Thought provoking topic it is! 👍🏼
Great job by u, CCs! 👏 
Posted: 8 years ago
A touchy topic, handled so well! But as Titlidi pointed out, it is the child that suffers the most in a divorce, and always do they get an 'Ishima' to back them up.
And yes, the in-laws' interference is, most of the times, the greatest incentive behind a divorce.

It was a wonderful read. Thanks for it, RAD!

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